I'm not another chick, but I do know that finding just the right people to play with can be a problem. Keep looking, keep playing, keep creating - do as much as you can on your own to sharpen your musical skills and look for other individuals to colaborate with.
Trying to become a new part of an existing band is tough for anybody. So - find a kindred spirit or two and collaborate on writing some songs. Don't think that you've got to join somebody else's band to be legitimized . . .
Also, would you consider re-posting your message to the 'My Local Band' section of the forum? Could be that there is somebody in your locality who is seeking somebody with your talents?
"That darn Pythagorean Comma thing keeps messing me up!"
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pythagorean_comma[/url]