Topic: "If Ya Wanna Be A Redneck Kikker Like Me"
If Ya Wanna Be A Redneck Kikker Like MeBallad by Wayne Fiala
Entire song is spoken except where the chords are
[G]So, ya [D]wanna be a Redneck Kikker like [G]me?Well, the first thing you need is, a High-Rise,
Jacked-Up, Pick-Up-Truck, with a grill on the front, and the color's gotta be, Red, Black,
Green, or Blue. Ya gotta have a duel exhaust, that's really loud, or the girls won't notice
you. It's gotta be a Four Wheel Drive, with Lockin Hubs, over size tires, and equiped with
lots-a extra lights, so the yuppies can see ya real good at night. Now ya gotta have a
Kick-Ass Stereo, with Extra Large Speekers, so they can here ya anywhere in the County,
when your "jamin it" late at night. And, a must have, is a Over Size Consol, to hold your
collection of Country CD's. And it's gotta have a little cushion, so your girl can sit real close,
that is if ya want her to be pleased. Now, that's the way it's gotta be;
[G]If ya [D]wanna be a redneck kikker like [G]me!
Now ya got your Redneck Kikker Truck, it's ready to go. But ya better leave it at home,
your not quite ready yet. Ya cain't drive that truck lookin like that. Now, we're gonna
concentrate on you. We gotta get you some Redneck Kikker Clothes. So, we'll start off
with your baseball cap. It should be just a little dirty, with a tracter or a deer emblem
on the front. Then some faded blue jeans, and a button up shirt, with only one button.
Under it is a slightly worn, little bit faded black T-Shirt. And, some round toe, low heel,
brown kikker boots, or steel toe lace up, construction worker boots will do. Now you've
got your kikker clothes, for everyone to see, And, that's the way it's gotta be;
[G]If ya [D]wanna be a redneck kikker like [G]me!
Now, here's the next thing ya gotta do. learn to drink a lot and hold your liquor. That's
the trade-mark of a real redneck kikker. And, about the last thing a redneck kikker girl
wants, is a drunk on his ass, puckin sick, half passed-out, wanna-be, redneck kikker.
So, ya better get real good at drinkin that liquor; Cause, that's the way it's gotta be;
[G]If ya [D]wanna be a redneck kikker like [G]me!
Now, you're almost there. There's only one thing left to do. Ya gotta find a cop that's willin to
arrest you, and throw your wanna-be, redneck kikker, butt in jail. Yep, that's what ya gotta do.
Now, that might sound plum crazy, But, if ya wanna impress the ladies, ya gotta suck it up,
and do what ya gotta do. Cause, that's where you're gonna get your, one-of-a-kind, genuine,
redneck kikker style, jail house tatoo. And, that's the way it's gotta be;
[G]If ya [D]wanna be a redneck kikker like [G]me!
Well, it's graduation day. Congratulations! You're now a member of the largest non-payin vocation,
in the Nation. Now I hope you're happy. Sometimes bein a redneck kikker can be a little crappy.
Get used to bein broke. Learn to roll your own smoke. And, to keep the cops happy, this ain't no joke,
put your beer in a can that says Coke. Have yourself a real nice day! And that's the way it's gotta be;
[G]If ya [D]wanna be a redneck kikker like [G]me.
