Ahhhh....  this brings back memories!    I used to have this problem a lot when I was young.  Great song sir!    I was livin it until the last verse.  (the boats).  I'm no expert, but I would get rid of the boats.  The boat thing sank years ago.  Find something original, catchy, to end the song with.  (example:  like a folded plane on paper wings, I see you drifting, drifting away)  I love your song, and the only thing that would keep me from paying good money for a cd, is the last verse.  Well done.
Ps: I love the   J E T S   to.

Thanks for the comments Jody and Stran. This song is about a feeling if you know what I mean. Converting the feeling into real things is always tough. Boats I like because I think of boats floating on a river, moving slow propelled by a lazy current and really it put the thought of drifting away into a picture I can see and understand. At least that is how I saw it when I wrote it. I'm sure there are more clever ways to bring that imagery home but I didn't want to impead the writing because sometimes if I over analyze the song I'm writing I'll stop, pick it apart and usually delete it in the end. I've got tons of songs ended up like that. Anyway thats it for boats. I'm keeping it in for now. And again thanks for the comments...they made me think about what I wrote and understand my song better. 

Wanna hear a good one?  The last thing I did before going to bed last night was comment on your song.  I went to sleep thinking about it.  I actually had a short dream.  In the dream I was sitting in a boat and another boat was calmly drifting away from me.  The boats slowly drifting apart gave me a feeling of loss and sadness.  Above a paper airplane was being tossed about by the wind.  The wings folded, the plane began to loose shape and settled into the water next to my boat.  I looked over the edge of the boat and written on the paper was, "I like the boats".  When I woke up this morning I had a change of heart.  I made that critical mistake you mentioned; I over analyzed.  Analyzing is good, but sometime you have to just let your emotion be your guide.  On most of my songs I have made change after change, thinking I am making the song better.  But, in the end, I end up right back where I started originally.

Keep the boats, bring on the cd, I'll spend the money.  Wierd dream...  I hope that doesn't happen often!!!  Great song sir.  I hope you can record it.  I would like to hear the melody.  Think I'll write a song and title it:  "I'm Loosing My Mind"  lol

Oh good, you have had dreams.  Now I don't have to write that song, "I'm loosin my mind".  You did write a really nice song.  And, I am fairly new at this, so who am I to tell anyone what to put in or leave out.  Sorry about that, really.  I hope you do get time for originals, it would seem you have a tallent for it.  Everyone here on Chordie has been helpfull and friendly.  I appreciate that.  And I look forward to meeting more people here and growing into a better writer.

It is a pleasure meeting you.
Take Care, jodyWayne

hi jeff, welcome back

what a sad little lament, yes i suppose we've all been there, so it's all the better when you find one that wants to be with you.

nice one, keep em coming

phill