• Registered: 2007-06-25
  • Posts: 43

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

krhoades wrote:

Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahah
hahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahah

wow.

27 Reply by Chordmentor (edited by Chordmentor 2009-11-11 05:20:26)

  • From: Las Vegas
  • Registered: 2009-11-11
  • Posts: 1

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

There's a guy who had a life long dream to visit Africa.  He finally gets the chance to go.  The moment he steps off the plane he hears drums off in the distance.  He goes to the baggage claim and gets his luggage then catches a cab. 

On the way to his hotel, he's talking with the cab driver and tells him how happy he is to finally get the chance to visit Africa, and how the drums off in the distance really set the mood and give an authentic feel to the country.  They arrive at the hotel.  He pays the cab driver and the cab driver tells him to enjoy his stay.

It's now the last morning of his two week vacation and he has noticed that the drum beat he heard when he first got there has been going 24/7.  The cab arrives to take him back to the airport, and wouldn't you know it, it's the same cab driver.  The cab driver drives him to the airport.  As the driver helps him remove his luggage from the trunk of the cab, he asks the driver a question.

VISITOR: "The drums were cool at first, but they never stopped.  Do they ever stop?"

CAB DRIVER:  "The drums never stop."

VISITOR: "They never stop!  Why not?"

CAB DRIVER:  "If drums stop, something terrible happens!"

VISITOR:  "What?"

CAB DRIVER:  "Bass solo!"

Would you tell Picasso to sell one of his guitars?

Chordmentor's Website

  • From: Alabama Gulf Coast
  • Registered: 2008-06-24
  • Posts: 1,819

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

A few misinterpeted musical terms:

Accidentals - wrong notes
Augmented fifth - a 36 ounce bottle
Cadence - when everybody wants you to stop and you don't
Final Cadence - when they force you to stop
Cut time - when you're going twice as fast as everybody else
Interval - how long it took you to find the right note
Intonation - singing through one's nose
Pizzicato - a small Italian pie garnished with cheese, anchovies, etc...
Virtuoso - a musician with high morals

We pronounce it "Guf Coast".
Ya'll wanna go down to the Guf?

tubatooter1940's Website

  • Registered: 2006-12-11
  • Posts: 82

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

My boss who has had the pleasure of me entertaining clients with my guitar is fond of telling me....

'You're playing all the right notes, just not in the right order'.

My ambition far exceeds my ability
  • From: Alabama Gulf Coast
  • Registered: 2008-06-24
  • Posts: 1,819

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

This video broke my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfbEiQHrqjk

toots sad

We pronounce it "Guf Coast".
Ya'll wanna go down to the Guf?

tubatooter1940's Website

  • wlbaye
  • Honoured Member
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  • From: Black Hills So Dak
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 1,284

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

Toots,

I hate to say it but I don't like to see any instruments destroyed in the name of humor or entertainment. Destroying a guitar is a sin and I would like to slap the guy silly that breaks one thinking he's cool !

There I got that off my chest.

Later, Wayne P

wlbaye's Website

  • Registered: 2008-04-14
  • Posts: 147

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

That video is brutal. I don't hate to say it. Shame on those men. I'd have taken it!!!!!

Linusguitar's Website

  • Registered: 2009-09-27
  • Posts: 5

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?
Put some sheet music in front of them.
How do you make them cry?
Put some notes on it.
What's the last thing a drummer says to his bandmates?
Hey guys, listen to this song I wrote.
What will you never ever hear on a band's tour bus?
Wait! Turn back, we forgot the drummer!
What do you call a drummer without a car?
A Drummer.
What do you call a drummer with a car?
A drummer with a girlfriend.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
And, the cheesiest of all,
What do you get when a piano falls  down a mine?
A flat minor.

I am the Carpenter, goo goo ga joob.
  • From: Alabama Gulf Coast
  • Registered: 2008-06-24
  • Posts: 1,819

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

elsietheundescribable, that last joke you wrote reminded me of:
Whaddya get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
toots

We pronounce it "Guf Coast".
Ya'll wanna go down to the Guf?

tubatooter1940's Website

  • From: Adelaide , Australia
  • Registered: 2006-06-04
  • Posts: 129

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

John Hyatt wrote a song about people smashing instruments  called "Perfectly Good Guitar" listen to the lyrics..brilliant.

wlbaye wrote:

Toots,

I hate to say it but I don't like to see any instruments destroyed in the name of humor or entertainment. Destroying a guitar is a sin and I would like to slap the guy silly that breaks one thinking he's cool !

There I got that off my chest.

A five yr old could understand this. Somebody fetch a five yr old !
Groucho Marx
  • From: PA
  • Registered: 2007-08-13
  • Posts: 26

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

Louden Wainright III also had one titled "Red Guitar".  At least he feels remorse at the end of the song.

Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges
to keep the crazies from following you.
  • wlbaye
  • Honoured Member
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  • From: Black Hills So Dak
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 1,284

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

Ray Melton wrote:

John Hyatt wrote a song about people smashing instruments  called "Perfectly Good Guitar" listen to the lyrics..brilliant.

wlbaye wrote:

Toots,

I hate to say it but I don't like to see any instruments destroyed in the name of humor or entertainment. Destroying a guitar is a sin and I would like to slap the guy silly that breaks one thinking he's cool !

There I got that off my chest.

Right on Ray,

"There oughta be a law with no bail, smash a guitar you go to Jail"     John Hiatt

Later, Wayne P

wlbaye's Website

  • Zurf
  • Zurf
  • Blunt but well meaning moderator
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  • From: Virginia, USA
  • Registered: 2007-06-27
  • Posts: 7,522

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

Loved that one Chordmentor!

Granted B chord amnesty by King of the Mutants (Long live the king).
If it comes from the heart and you add a few beers... it'll be awesome! - Mekidsmom
When in doubt ... hats. - B.G. Dude
  • From: Gloucester, England
  • Registered: 2009-09-27
  • Posts: 71

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

can a bassist and his gear fit in the vocalist's car?




no, the vocalist's car is full with just the microphone, stand and towel...

funny how there's always room to squeeze a vocalist in to a bassists car though...

[url=http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w9/paulcooke100/Paul.jpg]a better photo of me[/url]
[url=http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w9/paulcooke100/IMGP0556.jpg]My basses[/url]
haven't photographed my guitars yet... smile
  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

HELLO EVERYBODY: I AM BACK AFTER 7 WEEKS.

G.W. BUSH is visiting Great Britain. You know the "drill": security, more security, and a lot more security because Queen Elisabeth and G.W. are driving through London in a chariot with 6 beautiful horses. Big Bush smile, and nature calls: one of the horses lift up his tail and bbbrrrrrrr (a big huge Ft). The Queen very embarrassed sais: My apologies for this incident, and Bush answers: OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF THE HORSES.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • From: Tooele Ut
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 4,049

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

that's a good one gitardocphil.

You can see all my video covers on [url]http://www.youtube.com/bensonp1000[/url]
I have finally found happiness in my life.  Guitars, singing, beer and camping.  And they all intertwine wonderfully.
  • From: Syosset, New York
  • Registered: 2006-04-20
  • Posts: 169

Re: JOKES ABOUT MUSIC/MUSICIANS

In the 80's, when synths kicked in and killed the music business for acoustic instrumentalists, we used to toss this one around:

Q.  What's the definition of an "optimist?"
A.  A trombonist with a beeper.

This era was very hot for wedding bands.  Here in New York, the agencies that booked "pick-up" bands (throw- togethers that actually sounded very good sometimes) they could never find enough "leaders" for these bands.  Often, the band leader would be some obnoxious, arrogant dude with extremely limited vocal ability but an appropriately large set of cojones to handle all the corny MC work and, perhaps, yell his way through the wedding couple's first dance.  One of the most popular jokes to emerge from this era was:

Q.  What's the difference between a wedding band and a bull?
A.  A bull has the horns up front and the a-hole in the back.

Me with my first ukulele, a Junior Beatles model, in 1966.  After Mom threw it down the stairs in a fit of rage, I became a drummer for life.  At age 43, I bought my second uke...