• From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Topic: ONE-LINERS

A little bit strange, but I think it must be written in the poem section
- I ASKED GOD FOR A GUITAR, BUT I KNOW GOD DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. SO I STOLE A GUITAR AND ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: ONE-LINERS

1) Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

2) Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • Registered: 2007-03-24
  • Posts: 1,108

Re: ONE-LINERS

A comedian (can't remember who) said:
a male spends 9 months trying to get out of the womb and the rest of his life trying to get back in.

I used to be disgusted; now I try to be amused.
Elvis Costello
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 2,662

Re: ONE-LINERS

668: The Neighbor of the Beast

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired........

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding........

Closed minds are good things to lose.........

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion........

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder......

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery......

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Drink Apple Juice, O.J. will kill you.......

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Give everything but up.
  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: ONE-LINERS

1) Assassins do it from behind.  (you get it?)
2) The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
3) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
4) There are no ugly babies born , in marriage every man is a bad man and when we die, we are all good.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

6 Reply by marcalan (edited by marcalan 2009-07-01 13:01:43)

  • From: Chico, Ca.
  • Registered: 2007-09-08
  • Posts: 327

Re: ONE-LINERS

1. Marriage is a fine institution...but who wants to live in an institution?  Groucho Marx
2. Anger is an acid that does more damage to the vessel its carried in than what it is poured on to.  Mark Twain

I thought ; If I had one idea,
and took it from beginning to end.
I would try another.

marcalan's Website

  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,707

Re: ONE-LINERS

if i had a penny for every penny i'd gambled, how much would i now have?

a penny, i dont gamble!

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • unhhuh
  • unhhuh
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • Registered: 2006-06-18
  • Posts: 123

Re: ONE-LINERS

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

There's nothing as constant as change.

Embrace what you love.
Start with you.
Do the next right thing.
  • KAP54
  • Honoured Member
  • Offline
  • From: London Ontario Canada
  • Registered: 2008-06-04
  • Posts: 1,746

Re: ONE-LINERS

I can row a boat!!!...Canoe.

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)
  • KajiMa
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Glastonbury
  • Registered: 2009-03-24
  • Posts: 608

Re: ONE-LINERS

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

Sing in a group in church - a choir a good voice!

<-----<< On an even field, only talent prevails! >>----->
   Gans Gwarak da yn dorn yu lel, gwyr lowen an golon!
        >>-----> [color=#FF0000]Rudhes[/color] hag [color=yellow]Owres[/color], Kajima <-----<<
  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: ONE-LINERS

668: The Neighbor of the Beast
southpaw, I read it and now I notice the comment about 668, HILARIOUS.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: ONE-LINERS

(color=blue)1) THERE ARE 2 KINDS OF LAWYERS: THOSE WHO KNOW THE LAW AND THOSE WHO KNOW THE JUDGE.
2) "SOURCE"= HEBREW": 2 farmers are fight for a cow. One farmer is pulling on the head, the other is pulling on the tail while the lawyer is milking.
3) my sister is a professional dancer (now too old) and was a busy BALLERINA, her husband too, should he be called BALLERINO?

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: ONE-LINERS

source unknown, but I love it
Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website

  • KajiMa
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Glastonbury
  • Registered: 2009-03-24
  • Posts: 608

Re: ONE-LINERS

Thieves have stolen the toilets from the local police station. A spokesperson said they have nothing to go on!

<-----<< On an even field, only talent prevails! >>----->
   Gans Gwarak da yn dorn yu lel, gwyr lowen an golon!
        >>-----> [color=#FF0000]Rudhes[/color] hag [color=yellow]Owres[/color], Kajima <-----<<

15 Reply by badeye (edited by badeye 2009-08-29 09:37:21)

  • badeye
  • The Blues Fixer
  • Offline
  • From: Cape Breton Island, Canada
  • Registered: 2006-09-02
  • Posts: 3,381

Re: ONE-LINERS

News flash;  21 killed in 21 gun salute,   these and other stories at 11.



badeye  cool

one caper after another
  • From: Alabama Gulf Coast
  • Registered: 2008-06-24
  • Posts: 1,819

Re: ONE-LINERS

Our cow wouldn't give us any milk so we sold him.

The crowd shouted, "Olay" as the bull ripped Hernando's Hideaway.

I bought a box of powdered water but I didn't know what to add.

A friend told me my hair is getting thin. I said, "That's O.K., who wants fat hair?"

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Ay flat miner.

We pronounce it "Guf Coast".
Ya'll wanna go down to the Guf?

tubatooter1940's Website

  • From: BELGIUM
  • Registered: 2007-01-27
  • Posts: 3,403

Re: ONE-LINERS

IF I WAS A WOMAN, I WOULDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH MYSELF. *by GitaarDocphil.

[color=blue]- GITAARDOCPHIL SAIS: TO CONQUER DEAD, YOU HAVE TO DIE[/color]   AND [color=blue] we are born to die[/color]
- MY GUITAR PLAYS EVERY STYLE = BLUES, ROCK, METAL, so I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY IT.
[color=blue]Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock.[/color]

gitaardocphil's Website