There's a Long, Black Cloud on the Horizon.

hi stransongs,

how deep is this?

every time i thought i got the gist of what you were writing about, there came another twist in the tale! i read it though several times and found something new each time.

i dont want to speculate on what you are speaking about, just that i think i detected two [at least] different plots?

this is a well written and engaging poem, and i think you're right about it being a poem not a song.
some songs/poems can cross the divide, but i think this would be nice as just a poem.

you could record a piece of music and speak the words over the top, we've done that before with a poem by lena [broken bones bootlegger] and music by kenny .

thanks for sharing,

phill

Thanks for the kind words.

Looking at this again, I need to do more work on it. It's getting there, but may need another verse to make the direction clear.

I was trying to suggest that someone is traveling in a limo / hearse. The rain clouds remind them of how he and his partner came together, but the black cloud is also about that great unknown that we are all traveling to - traveling to alone.

Then again, sometimes things are better left with an uncertain meaning - thinking of the likes of Whiter Shade of Pale, American Pie etc.

I've already got a tune for the first section.

And the next version is . . .

There's a Long, Black Cloud on the Horizon.

There's a long black cloud
On the horizon
And it's a long black car
That we're drivin'
And it's a  long, love story
I'm rememberin'
Of you and me
In the summer rain

The weather seems to mock me
As we drive along the road.
Not sure I can face
This first night alone.
Waitin' for the storm to break
Rememberin' the love we made.

'Cos I held you while you trembled
And the hard rain soaked us through
Two hearts shivered in the cold.
It's then I knew I could love you.
And years fell like sand in a glass,
Till finally this had to come to pass.

Now the thunder has returned
Rain's cascadin' like the sea
But even the jagged lightning
Won't bring you back to me.
Can't go back to the start,
Love's broken, like my heart.

The last weeks have been a trial
There was nothing we could do
Just talk and remember
The living, loving you.
Girl, I wish I was bringin' you home,
But I'll be goin' home alone.