Re: Joke Thread

A frog decides to add another pond for his growing family's pond and go's to the bank to get a loan to finance it. Upon entering the bank he approaches the loans manager Mr Paddiwhack and asks him if it is possible to get a loan for his add on pond. Mr Paddiwhack says that will not be a problem but you must have some collateral. The frog reaches into his coat and pulls out a big porcelain statue thingy and says this is all I have , will it do? Mr Paddiwhack leans over the desk to see what the frog has, and disappointingly says I'm afraid not. The frog begs him please sir it's all I have. So Mr Paddiwhack says...hang on I'll get the branch manager. The manager comes over and asks, Is there a problem? Mr Paddiwhack then explains that the frog would like a loan but all he has is this statue thingy. The bank manager takes one lookat the statue thing and replies...........Oh my god,That's a knick knack Paddiwhack, give the frog a loan. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)

Re: Joke Thread

Funny one,   Great Canadian Humor.


  Badeye   cool

one caper after another

Re: Joke Thread

This is a bit risque so if your young don't look!

Two kids in a swimming pool...

Little Johnnie says; I'm gonna duck you

Little Mary replies; Oh no your not, you can't even say it properly



Same two kids walking along the corridor

Little Mary says; Look at that condom under the radiator

Little Johnnie asks; What's a radiator?

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: Joke Thread

A friend told me my hair is getting thin. I replied, "That's okay, who wants fat hair."

We pronounce it "Guf Coast".
Ya'll wanna go down to the Guf?

Re: Joke Thread

KAP54 wrote:

..The bank manager takes one lookat the statue thing and replies...........Oh my god,That's a knick knack Paddiwhack, give the frog a loan. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

MICKY THE MOOCH ..GROANS!!! pmsl

cool Dont Stop Kid Keep Rockin'  !! cool

Re: Joke Thread

Kenny, knick knack paddywhack...I thought it was Hillary us...whoever Hillary is.

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: Joke Thread

What's invisible and smells of banana???????????????????















Monkey fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<-----<< On an even field, only talent prevails! >>----->
   Gans Gwarak da yn dorn yu lel, gwyr lowen an golon!
        >>-----> [color=#FF0000]Rudhes[/color] hag [color=yellow]Owres[/color], Kajima <-----<<

Re: Joke Thread

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . .. having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

Give everything but up.

Re: Joke Thread

Cheltenham Races.

A group of primary school children, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15'.

"And on payday, we'll tear the place down.
With a pint, in our hand's, and a bash 'em out band.
Sure we'll dance, to the sound, of the rain falling down.
In our Northern Industrial Town."

Re: Joke Thread

Hear about the fellow that wanted to be a stud ?









They drove him into a snowtire.

one caper after another

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i dont get it tongue

Wherever There Is Light There Is Always Darkness...<3

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xBlack-Rubyx

apparently not.

try it this way;

An Ozzy bloke walks into a tattoo artists shop and says; " I'd like to be a stud..." so they stuck him through a kangaroo's belly button...works for me!

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: Joke Thread

xBlack-Rubyx wrote:

i dont get it tongue

Here in the cold and icy Canadian winter, metal studs are inserted into snow tires for traction.

one caper after another

Re: Joke Thread

One evening a mexican farmer is walking home through the woods from a long day of tending to his fields. Out of nowhere a man on horseback stops him at gun point and asks him "what are you doing in these woods." The farmer just looks at him and finally says "you are pancho villa." The man says, "yes, and now that you know my name I have to keep you quiet." You see that big pile of horse sh*t, take a bite. So the farmer scared takes a big mouthful. Just then a snake passes by and startles the horse, sending pancho villa into the air and knocking his gun away. The farmer picks up the gun and tells pancho villa," you see that pile of shi*t take a bite." And pancho villa takes a mouthful. The farmer runs as fast as he can and heads straight to the cantina, and orders a beer. He starts drinking it and as he starts to look up he sees a picture of pancho villa on the wall and he just stares at it for the longest time. The bartender says do you know pancho villa. The farmer says " YES, WE HAD LUNCH TOGETHER."

HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forgive your enemies, but always remember their names!

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My buddy Doc posted this on Tubenet. I wanted to share it with you guys.
You know you're too old to gig when...
It becomes more important to find a place for your box fan than your amp.
You refuse to play out of tune.
Your fans have left by 10:30 PM.
All you want from groupies is a foot massage.
Your after show party is at Burger King.
You can't play more than one hour without a wee wee break.
You hire band mates for their values instead of their talent.
Instead of a fifth member , you want to hire a roady.
You lost the directions to the gig (which you got from Mapquest).
You need your glasses to adjust your amp.
You're thrilled to have New Years Eve off.
The waitress is your daughter.
You stop the set because your Iboprophen fell behind the monitor.
Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
You no longer use a tip jar.
You refuse to play without earplugs.
Fat chicks are starting to look O.K.
You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 10:30.
Your gig stool must have a back.
You're related to at least one of the band members.
You don't let anyone "sit in".
Your wife doesn't care what time you get home anymore.
During breaks you go lay down in the van.
You prefer a music stand with a light.
You sold your Les Paul because it's too heavy.
You can't get your Fender Twin Reverb out of your basement.
You can't play without a play list.
You have a contract.

We pronounce it "Guf Coast".
Ya'll wanna go down to the Guf?

Re: Joke Thread

What's the difference between a drum machine and a real drummer?









With a drum machine you only
                                             have

                                                     to

                                                         
                                                         PUNCH
                                                                   

                                                                    THE INSTRUCTIONS



                                                                                                   IN ONCE!

<-----<< On an even field, only talent prevails! >>----->
   Gans Gwarak da yn dorn yu lel, gwyr lowen an golon!
        >>-----> [color=#FF0000]Rudhes[/color] hag [color=yellow]Owres[/color], Kajima <-----<<

Re: Joke Thread

An older couple in their 90's went for a checkup at the doctor's office.  The doc gave them a clean bill of health except for their lack of memory.  He told them to write everything down.  Later that night they were watching tv and the husband gets up and says I'm going to the kitchen, do you want anything.  The wife says get me a bowl of ice cream, do ya need to write that down.  Husband says no, a bowl of ice cream.  She says while your at it put some strawberries on it too, do ya need to write that down.  Husband says no, bowl of ice cream w/ strawberries on top.  She says while your at it put some whipped cream on top, do ya need to write that down.  Husband says na, bowl of ice cream, strawberries, whipped cream on top.  30 minutes later the husband comes out with a plate of bacon and eggs..........................Wife says, where's the toast!!!  I love that one, kinda long typin it out though!!

Nascarfan

Re: Joke Thread

An 80 year old man went to see a doctor for a routine physical. The doctor asked, "Do you eat red meat?"
The man replied, "No, I hear eating red meat will give you high colesterol."
The doctor asked, "Do you drink alcohol?"
The old man replied, "No, alcohol can cause liver problems."
The doctor asked, "Do you use recreational drugs?"
The old man replied, "No, drugs are bad for you and you could overdose...so doc, do you think I'll live forever?"
The doctor replied, "Why would you want to?!"

smile

"Do or do not, there is no try." Yoda