• Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 27

Topic: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

PLEASE REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im new to song writing but i was wondering what people thought of this piece if i should finish it or not

sorry theres no chourse.


(verse one)

GG Em

                       

mrs heartake is nowere around /GG Em

once again she's probly sleepen around /GG Em

day in and day out i deal with this shit /GG Em

i guess truly i am kinda wiped /GG Em

i cant help it shes one fine bitch /GG Em


(chorse)


(Verse 2)

when im at work all she does is play

shes out all night then she sleeps all day

when were at school ya know she's skippen out

pisses me off makes me wanna shout

but i cant help it shes one fine bitch


(chorse)


(verse 3)

dont ya know its really easy to see

she's in love but its not with me

i should end it but really i can't

i  cant help it shes one fine bitch


(chorse)


all verses would have the same chords,im still working out the guitar part so it will probly change. tell me what you think

  • From: Ohio
  • Registered: 2006-10-02
  • Posts: 230

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

cool way to be creative. no suggestions for the chorus though.  but keep writing! even if the song you write completley sucks keep it cuz you might need it later.  sometimes ill write a bunch of crappy songs, then use bits and peices of all of em and make a good song.


good luck

If you spend your life judging people, how will you ever have time to love them ♥
  • Registered: 2006-08-15
  • Posts: 51

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

I like the song, Rocker. Although I really dont like making suggestions for other people's work, i'll give it a shot.


Try this for the chorus lyrics.


Oh, Mrs Heartake

Why cant you stop for my sake?

Stop messing around, hear this sound

And quit laying on the ground

Cause you know that you're the one i need


Something like that....

If more than one person in your band can sing, get at least a two-part harmony going on the "oh mrs heartake" part.

  • From: Ohio
  • Registered: 2006-10-02
  • Posts: 230

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

nice addition axe, i really like the two part harmony on that first line of the chorus.  soem chords for this song and your good to go

If you spend your life judging people, how will you ever have time to love them ♥
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 27

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

thank ya much

  • Registered: 2007-01-07
  • Posts: 62

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

good,how many have you written approx?


have an idea for chorus not sure if you'll like it tho,if not keep going.


why is it i dont seem to leave her?


why is it i desperately need her?


wish i could be strong and say no


wish i could just tell her to go



no chords tho sorry.

hope you get there soon.

  • Registered: 2007-01-25
  • Posts: 4

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

YOUR CHORUS...

I guess i like what she`s doin`

cause im always hangin` round

i could just tell her to get lost

but i like havin` her around

HOPE THAT HELPS ....LET ME KNOW

  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 27

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

thanks guys im looking over urideas i like em but i dont i might pic one but still i dont know. i have wrote probly 20 25 songs. thank u and keep the replys coming

  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 27

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

i posted another 1

  • From: Hendersonville, NC USA
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 2,521

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

Here's my go:


<b>And you know you drive me crazy


which is why you do what you do


Mrs Heartake please dont stop it


Cause I cant get enough of you</b>


Take it and run... <img src="images/smiley_icons/icon_biggrin.gif" border=0 alt="Very Happy">


My idea is the the verses are sung about her and the chorus is sung to her. What do you think?

J  E  T  S
...and yet a Washington Commanders fan (unless they change their name again) ...long story...HTT...C

jets60's Website

  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 27

Re: Mrs. Heartake (opinion needed please)chouse suggestion open

ill try it and get back to you but im workin on some other stuff of mine but like i said ill tri it and get back to ya