Topic: rising moon

this started life as a song, but by the time i got to the 3rd verse i decided it was more of a poem.

comments please.

rising moon

lost in the heat of a summers day
forget that winter soon holds sway
days last longer, darkens late
build your nest furry friend, don't wait

see the trees how they seem to age
their leaves turn gold, their life to fade
summers heat to autumns gloom
seldom seen the rising moon

the nights draw in, the days grow cold
summers birds have up and flown
winter night sky, clear of cloud
crystal beauty, how cold it is now?

autumns gold lies under foot
crumbles lightly at your touch
wake to dew upon the grass
summers warm never lasts

cold yet calm some nights may be
others howl make creatures flee
hide in burrows deep and safe
high above wreaks winters waste

frost begins to take it's toll
while rivers trickle ever cold
on distant hills snow will fall
and in the dark woods foxes call

what is hiding in the shadows?
silent ambush where path narrows
furry beast where death he meets
every beast has need to eat

majestic oak once ruled this land
from mountain stone to coastal sand
now the woods are owned by pine
and the forests in decline

failing too are beasts that roamed
under branches they called home
through seasons warm or cold or wet
soon be gone, soon we forget

as winters broom begins to sweep
furry friend find nest to sleep
to wake again when the air grows warm
descending moon on summers dawn.

by phill williams 2008

i know it's not a song, but then neither is rap, unless there is some tunesmith out there who can fit music to it?

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

2 (edited by KAP54 2008-07-22 20:32:20)

Re: rising moon

Very Nice Phill.
As I was reading I could easily envision what you were saying and where you were going with your poem.A mark of good writing. smile
True enough it's all disappearing before our eyes so we gotta pick it up or we're gonna loose it all.

Thanks

Kenny

P.S. It wouldn't bother me one bit if we lost rap crap.  cool

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)

Re: rising moon

Phill your one of the best tunesmiths out there I know you can forge some chords for these lovely words I feel a arpeggio type of intro and simple minor major progression not to complicated so the words dont get buried with unnessary changes very nice lyrics phill smile

"Growing old is not for sissies"

Re: rising moon

hi phill had a look and:
[c]lost in the heat of a[f]  summers day,
[c]forget that winter [f]soon holds sway,
[d7]days last longer,[f]darkens late,
[g]build your nest furry friend,[c]don't wait.

tthis is how i look at it played...stay cool

love is life ,life is for love,keep a true heart and live life to the full....stay cool

Re: rising moon

I agree with others that this could be made into a dandy song.

Seems something in a minor key would work well to capture the mood - then maybe shifting into major on some verses.

It is long for a song - but that's OK.  Your instrumental skills can help to break it up into segments.  Don't abandon this one as 'finished' quite yet.  It is a great idea and deserves more time to 'season'!  James

"That darn Pythagorean Comma thing keeps messing me up!"
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pythagorean_comma[/url]

Re: rising moon

thanks guys, i'm very encouraged by what you've said, i was expecting someone to say "yo man dis site is fer songs only" so thanks for the comments.

i'll give the major/minor thing a go russ, but at the moment no melody line comes to mind.

thanks daddy, i hope you've got a nice melody to go with the C to F riff.

yes it is rather long [and long winded] for a song james

thanks kap, i could see the trees and foxes myself as i put it all down. [54 eh? well i'm 57 at the end of this month, so there!!!]

i'll keep all your suggestions in mind

love and tree hugs to you all

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: rising moon

Phill - here's another approach . . . instrumental piece with spoken passages.
Think 'Peter and the Wolf' by Sergei Prokofiev, or 'Lincoln Portrait' by Aaron Copeland.

In this format, bits of the story are read and then the music dramatizes the imagery.  You have plenty of vivid images on which to base instrumental parts - a small combo could pass around musical themes & variations. 

I realize this would be an ambitious undertaking to compose - but give it some consideration.  Might even be worth it to seek out collaboration with an aspiring composer of classical orchestral or chamber music?

Never at a loss for big ideas,
James

"That darn Pythagorean Comma thing keeps messing me up!"
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pythagorean_comma[/url]

Re: rising moon

hi james,

your right, your never short of a big idea. i've been a fan of chamber music since elinor rigby, and i do love peter and the wolf. do you think it's good enough to be even looked at by a proper orchestra?  it would be wonderful, do ya know any orchestras?
sounds like the strings on my mu50 are gonna get a hammering again.

thanks for giving it thought.

now i must go, i've got 3 new songs waiting for vocal parts on my recorder. by the by, did you sort out your mic problem?

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: rising moon

phil check out this channel on ourstage your poem could be spoken and with a few well chosen chord changes you could enter it there are only 59 entries in this channel                                                                               http://www.ourstage.com/music/channel/132-spoken-word                                                         

Phill Williams wrote:

hi james,

your right, your never short of a big idea. i've been a fan of chamber music since elinor rigby, and i do love peter and the wolf. do you think it's good enough to be even looked at by a proper orchestra?  it would be wonderful, do ya know any orchestras?
sounds like the strings on my mu50 are gonna get a hammering again.

thanks for giving it thought.

now i must go, i've got 3 new songs waiting for vocal parts on my recorder. by the by, did you sort out your mic problem?

phill

"Growing old is not for sissies"

Re: rising moon

wow russel, you want me to go up against those songs? they all sound so professional [and a bit rap] i dont like rap and modern free form jazz i can listen to most other forms of music!

the first couple of songs were very pro as if they were done in a real studio by pro's, whereas my effort will fall very short.

i have been trying to think up some kind of theme to use as a background, then coming to the fore between a couple of the verses, but nothing original yet, i keep getting peter and the wolf.

but i havent dismissed it or given up just yet, i'll let you know when i've got something. i find it's best to let these things work themselves out in their own time.

still happy to hear suggestions

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Re: rising moon

Phill, I don't know any orchestras - but if I had something like this to work with I would get to know some music majors at a local college.  Often there is a somebody who aspires to being a composer.

Call any schools in your area that have a major in music - or go to some performances and chat up the faculty.  James

"That darn Pythagorean Comma thing keeps messing me up!"
[url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pythagorean_comma[/url]

Re: rising moon

Hi Phil,

A splendid piece. I would love to see Pixar  Animation doing something with this.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !

Re: rising moon

hi helena, now that would be a thing
phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

14 (edited by marcalan 2008-08-05 12:51:15)

Re: rising moon

Phill,  You never let me down, excellent..Im thinking Leonard Cohn narration with experimental music behind singing only selected verses...maybe Lou Reed?  I know, maybe Morgan Freeman his voice is a good story telling voice.. Ive never heard your speaking voice I bet your the man..well done brother ...marcalan

I thought ; If I had one idea,
and took it from beginning to end.
I would try another.

Re: rising moon

hi marcalan

i'd like to have richard burton do the voice part but morgan freeman would make a good second choice seeing as mr burton is no longer with us

so if mr freeman is looking for a job, my email address is.....lol big_smile

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.