Topic: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

I'm stoned on industrial strength pain killers and after effects of general anesthesia.  But I wrote my first song anyway.  Or perhaps as a result of appropriate disinhibition.  Please pardon the all caps.  One handed typing is difficult and that made it faster.  It's written for a guy who has been hugely supportive of my musical endeavors and a good friend for close to 20 years.  I'm thinking a 1-4-1-5 Country strum with blues timing on the lyrics but will have to wait a couple weeks until my arm's out of a sling to see if I want something different.  I turn to this forum for advice and criticism because of my utmost respect for the calibre of songwriting talent displayed here.



BIGGER, BADDER. BALDER, BETTER by D  (aka Zurf)
   
PICKING IN MOTOR CITY
PICKING IN TENNESSEE
PICKING THE MARINES WHO SENT HIM TO WAR
WHERE THEY WOULDN'T LET HIM PICK HIS GUITAR

HE'S THE MOTOR CITY PIG FARMER JARHEAD ROCKER
SMILING THROUGH TROUBLE AND PICKING THROUGH PAIN
NO MATTER WHERE HE GOES, HE'S GOT THE AIM
OF HAVING MORE FUN THAN ONE MAN OUGHT'R

WHATEVER I'VE DONE, HE'S DONE IT MORE
I'VE GOT TWO KIDS, HE'S GOT 1 MORE'N 4
MY HAIR'S FELL OUT, HIS HIT THE FLOOR
I'LL STAND TOE TO TOE, HE MIGHT PULL A FORTY FO'

HE'S BIGGER, BADDER, BALDER, BETTER
SMILING THROUGH TROUBLE AND PICKING THROUGH PAIN
THE MOTOR CITY PIGFARMING JARHEAD ROCKER
HAVING MORE FUN THAN ONE MAN OUGHT'R

NOW HE'S GOT A WIFE PRETTY AS CAN BE
AND LOVES HER MORE EVERY DAY, YOU SEE
HE'S BECOME A BUSINESSMAN  WHO'S FAR MORE SETTLED
BUT IT'D BE A MISTAKE TO TEST HIS METTLE

'CAUSE HE'S BIGGER, BADDER, BALDER AND BETTER
MOTOR CITY PIGFARMING JARHEAD ROCKER
TRIPPIN' ON TROUBLE AND PICKING THROUGH THE PAIN
ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM, YOU'LL NOT BE THE SAME

MOTOR CITY PIGFARMING JARHEAD ROCKER
HAVING MORE FUN THAN ONE MAN OUGHT'R

Granted B chord amnesty by King of the Mutants (Long live the king).
If it comes from the heart and you add a few beers... it'll be awesome! - Mekidsmom
When in doubt ... hats. - B.G. Dude

2 (edited by Russell_Harding 2008-04-02 23:05:18)

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

zurf great lyrics  moter city pigfarming jarhead rocker,beautiful is it gonna have any "B"s in it? i dont think so but you may surprise me  i hope you heal up fast and start pickin real soon if you need any recording help just whistle  russ

"Growing old is not for sissies"

3 (edited by Zurf 2008-04-03 14:29:29)

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

Maybe a B7 or a Bm.  It's the straiught up B I can't get. 

I'll be reacquasinting myself with harmonica while my arms in a sling.  Picked up a Hohner Big River Harp.  So far as I can tell, it's a Marine Band with a plastic body rather than wood.  Good reeds and seemsd pretty good for straight harp.  I've not tried it for bending or cross harp.

Song came out sounding like doggerrel to me.  Maybe a bridge would  help.

Granted B chord amnesty by King of the Mutants (Long live the king).
If it comes from the heart and you add a few beers... it'll be awesome! - Mekidsmom
When in doubt ... hats. - B.G. Dude

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

haha i love it, everything's great... cant wait to see the chords so i can try er out.
Take it easy,
LR

All You Need is Love smile

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

Fantastic Zurf,

You know why!The reality of this person came through.

So much id like to meet him.   Sounds a great character.

Well done to you.

Ps.  keep talking the tablets lol keep writing.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

Old Doll wrote:

Fantastic Zurf,

You know why!The reality of this person came through.

So much id like to meet him.   Sounds a great character.

Well done to you.

Ps.  keep talking the tablets lol keep writing.

Old Doll.

Thankjs Old Doll.  I think I'll get off these tablets as ssoon as I'm able though.  I haven't been able to stay awweke for more than a couple hours.  Im awake three hours now, the longest for a few days and I'm flat out ready for a nap.  They control the pain alright, but sometime o4r other Rip Van Winkle has to wake up.

- Zurf

Granted B chord amnesty by King of the Mutants (Long live the king).
If it comes from the heart and you add a few beers... it'll be awesome! - Mekidsmom
When in doubt ... hats. - B.G. Dude

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

Very clever, witty, intelligent lyrics with a nice ryhming cadence. Best of  luck with your recovery from surgery. In my down times during my 'injured arms and hand' days I sat down at the piano/keyboard and learned how to play chords. I learned the piano as rhytym guitar(right hand) and bass guitar( left hand). When my left hand was incapacitated I practiced my right hand chordings, when my right hand was beeing repaired I practiced bass runs with my left hand. I am by no means Jon Lord, Billy Joel, Rick Wakeman, or Elton John on the ivories but the time spent learning and practicing was extremely helpful to my overall musicianship. Get well soon.

Peace and Guitars,
SouthPaw41L

Give everything but up.

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

Great lyrics Zurf, and I am looking forward to seeing the chords for it as soon as you are able to get back on your guitar.

I wish you  a speedy recovery. Take care,

Roger

"Do, or do not; there is no try"

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz WAKE UP ZURF!  lol

Theres more writing to be done. I dont believe you only have one song in you?
Isnt God so clever? He slows you down to bring out your creative writing ability.

Speedy recovery to you Sir!

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !

Re: My first ever song from scratch - Advice and criticism requested

hi zurf a really good contrast of lyrics can't wait to hear it,well done...stay cool

love is life ,life is for love,keep a true heart and live life to the full....stay cool