1 Topic by HannahBeth (edited by last_rebel 2008-02-25 22:13:40)

  • From: Texas
  • Registered: 2007-07-31
  • Posts: 950

Topic: I little help would be appreciated..

So I have this song i wrote over the last few days, got the music figgered out and everything, but I need a little help deciding what order to put the verses in.... or even if i should call it done yet? Maybe James or somebody could take a look and tell me what they think: (Its a rockish type song done with those power chord thingys)

VERSE SET 1:

I think the devil knows my name
He shouts it from the rooftop in the howlin' rain
I laughed at the devil and the floodwaters came
And I think he remembers my name

I think I gave away my name
When I looked in his eyes and I aint never been the same
I know its my own fault and I shouldn't complain
But I think he wrote a number by my name

VERSE SET2:

I seen the devil he's alive and well
He looks kind of like heaven but he smelled like hell
I hear him callin' me just a ringing his bell
But I know the answer too well

I heard him singing his song
Sayin' "Come on children wont you sing along?''
He'll tell you he's an angel but that dont last long
And there aint no way to move on


THEN THESE TWO THAT DONT REALLY GO TOGETHER:

I think the devil laughs out loud
Everytime he sees me in a crowd
I think he likes to watch me get knowcked down
Yeah I think he laughs out loud


AND

I chased the devil down to watch him die
He had a hollow look around his sunken eyes
He seemed dissapointed that I didnt cry
But then again I think I understand why



   ANyway some good advice is what I need, maybe someone has an idea. Thanks in advance,
LR

All You Need is Love smile

HannahBeth's Website

  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: I little help would be appreciated..

Hi last rebel ,

Personally i see nothing wrong with this at all. But the experts might!

Couldn't Get the music from " The Devil went down to Georgia outa my head reading it though. Glad

its rock, I look forward to hearing it ???????. Come on now LR.

Hugs

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,704

Re: I little help would be appreciated..

hi reb,

those last two verses you could use as choruses or bridges, try a different beat for them or maybe 
change the chords and find an alternate melody for them sounds good though, in the same sort of theme as "crossroads" but obviously not resembling it musically or wordwise.

like it, keep the faith

phill cool

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • upyerkilt
  • upyerkilt
  • Unofficial king of Scotland
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  • From: Balloch, Scotland, UK, Earth
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 3,290

Re: I little help would be appreciated..

Hannah
I tihnk those lyrics are great,
I was playing about with power chords ( even though on an acoutic)
For each first line I was playing E  2nd line went to G, 3rd line A then the forth line I ran down the notes A,G, F#, E

But I really think this needs electric with distortion


Ken

ye get some that are cut out for the job and others just get by from pretending