• From: Ohio
  • Registered: 2007-04-14
  • Posts: 18

Topic: I am at a crossroads

Have only posted a few times here, but love this site and have found people to be very helpful. With that in mind......I was in a cover band here in Toledo for over 2 years, last month I was replaced without any idea it was happening.  I was informed that for 2 months they were looking for a replacement and never even told me why.I was very close to all the guys in the band and thought we were great friends. Since then I have only been able to sit and think about what has happened and everyone I was close with, including people not in the band, I have not seen or heard from. I considered these people my friends and am torn about not only what to do now, but how to move on. I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about going to see them or check them out to see what they are like now, but at the same time there's alot of people that would come to see us and I miss them. I don't want to go there and start trouble or have a "big talk" with my ex-band mates. I wish them well, but to be honest it's been really hard to pick up my guitar and practice. I love playing, the guitar is my fav. instument and the one outlet that makes me feel creative. I can usually just let thing's go, but this has really got to me in a big way. It effected every area of my life. The week after I was kicked out of the band I lost my job and ever since it's been down hill. Needless to say I have not been myself and have been very depressed. The one thing that has brought me happiness, only reminds me of what has happened and frankly I feel betrayed and used. I know, that''s the business we're in when you play in a band and it comes with the territory, but JFC this hurt's and I can't seem to get past it. Anyone else been through this? Anything anyone has to say I will listen to, I don't have anyone to turn to that would understand how I'm feeling and I know some who may be reading this are probably laughing and it's o.k. Just need some advice to get closer to what I was before all this. To be honest this broke my heart.

owen4774's Website

  • From: Tennessee
  • Registered: 2007-08-04
  • Posts: 436

Re: I am at a crossroads

I think if you want to go see them and see the other people you got to know...that you should do it..you dont have to talk to the band ...just go as a regular and have fun...you had 2 years on stage ,now go see what its like from the floor..

right now would be a good time to pick up the guitar and write...put your feelings on paper and see what happens...

also maybe find another band or put together one of your own...you have the opportunity to spread your own wings now..

Good Luck man...Its not the end...Its the beginning

  • From: North Europe
  • Registered: 2007-08-20
  • Posts: 135

Re: I am at a crossroads

Turn that anger into action - do your own thing, form your own band and steal their gigs off em! Sometimes these unexpected changes force a new direction - for the better. Here's some Ray Davies for you:

It's really good to see you rocking out and having fun,
Living like you just begun.
Accept your life and what it brings.
I hope tomorrow you'll find better things.

I am playing all the right notes - but not necessarily in the right order! [Eric Morecombe]
  • From: Grimsby, UK
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 604

Re: I am at a crossroads

Man, what happened to you sucks!  Two positives though - you have been set free to follow your own course and determine your own worth and second, you lost your job which will give you more time to practice your guitar!

As the man (and woman) said "don't give up"

x

I'm the son of rage and love

5 Reply by SouthPaw41L (edited by SouthPaw41L 2007-10-10 18:41:23)

  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 2,662

Re: I am at a crossroads

owen4774,
Sorry to hear of your ordeal and the pain it is causing you. First thing I'd do if'n I were you, contact your bandmates, minus your replacement, and talk to these guys (away from a gig). Try not to be angry or resentful towards them. You must understand the reason for them replacing you before you can begin to productively heal yourself. Some very good advice from riddler, sumelton, and bonedaddy was given. I know it's hard not to harbour anger and resentment towards your old bandmates but you can't keep your feelings all bottled up on the inside. They owe you an explanation! You guys shared a musical bond for over 2 years. Bands are very much like relationships between lovers. Lots of turmoil and elation will occur but for you to move on with your life and have the confidence you need to do so, you must talk to these guys and get the explanation you very much deserve. After you get this, like sumelton said, get your own group together and make 'em look like no talent chumps! I have a saying on my string case that I keep with me at all times. It reads simply, "Don't let the a## holes get you down". Grow from this owen. You're welcome to e-mail me privately if you like.

Keep Your Head Up,
SouthPaw41L(Toney)

Give everything but up.
  • From: derbyshire
  • Registered: 2007-05-17
  • Posts: 2,844

Re: I am at a crossroads

hi owen that was a bit underhand ,then again you find out who your real friends and mates are when times are hard ,anyway get back on your horse and ride into the sunset with your head held high and think of you for once ,cause you're a unique individual so dont let this pull you down....stat cool

love is life ,life is for love,keep a true heart and live life to the full....stay cool

daddycool's Website

  • From: Ohio
  • Registered: 2007-04-14
  • Posts: 18

Re: I am at a crossroads

Would like to thank you all for your encouragement and understanding. Took some advice and tried calling them again to see if they would talk to me and tell me their reasons for replacing me without talking to me and seeing if I could get the answers I was looking for. Just really wanted to know what it was I did, but as before, no one wanted to talk. I left messages and emailed a couple, but still nothing. I guess we don't always get the answers we seek. Then again it could have led to even more questions, but I guess I will never know. Sucks. But thank you all for your input and am glad I know I can talk to people here about thing's. As for joining or forming another band, I just don't know yet. But at least I am practicing and shedding some rust that had gathered, on me as well as my strings. Guess for now it's open mic night's and see what happens. Thanks again, your all good people!

owen4774's Website