Embarrassing Moments (Page 1 of 2)

I'll keep this short, but suffice to say that last year I drunkenly (isn't it always?) managed to lock myself out of my flat in nothing more than a pair of boxer shorts....my masterplan to get back in then resulted in me being outside of my building when the front door also slammed, leaving me to spend a rather chilly Saturday night on the streets of Paisley frantically trying (and failing) to wake my neighbours to get them to let me in.

I get cold even thinking about it!!

I'm sure I read about this in the Paisley Daily Express.

It's the stuff you do, or in my case say, when you 1st meet somone that are the ones that you're always reminded of. The 1st time I went to my girlfried's house to meet her Mum and have dinner I was asked if i would like a slice of bread. Me being the hungry love struck young man said I'd like two. Which I never ate cos I was too full. During the meal the subject of SMASH (instant mashed potato) came up and I went off on a rant about how I hated it....

Needless to say, my future mother-in-law (yes, I married the girlfriend) had run out of potatoes and resorted to instant mash as a last resort. I was quietly told of the potato shortage later in the evening and have been constantly reminded ever since.

I had a very embarrassing moment last night that will be with me for a day or two.

I was cooking my evening meal, baked jacket potato, in my oven and had just grated some cheese to top it with. As I had opened a new pack of cheese I needed some cling film to wrap it in. This is kept in a small cupboard alongside the oven but on opening it I found that I had visitors - ants.

Now in Portugal there are two types of ant, one is about 6 or 7 mm long and is quite a friendly type that will wander in one's place and nod his head or wave a leg as he passes by but most of the time he is outdoors. He is usually on his own unless he has come to take one of the cat's biscuits to feed the youngsters and then he will bring two mates to help carry the load, which is fine.

The other type of ant is less than 1 mm and is a different kettle of fish altogether. When he comes it is mob handed with several thousand of his mates and is most unwelcome and this was what I had been invaded with. Prepared for such an eventuality I have a very large aerosol of insect spray which not only clobbers the little blighters it prevents others from following after the initial attack.

Armed with my trusty weapon I went into battle and was spraying the invaders left right and centre and pulling shelves out at the same time to take better aim. I was definitely gaining the upper hand when I sprung the surprise attack (well it certainly was a surprise to me). The spray's propellant and oxygen had reached critical mass and was ignited my the oven. There was an explosion and a flash fire and suddenly I had a flame thrower in my hand which was rapidly discarded.

The upshot is, apart from some superficial burns, I now have no hair on my arm and legs, my eyebrows are practically none existant and my thining hair is even thiner and shorter. I will probably have to stay at home for a day or two until the hair has recovered somewhat.

I do not have any ants any longer though.

Roger Guppy,
you never told what i thought was the best bit of the story..

To fill you all in! Roger emailed me to say what had happened. He also said,
As he took the Aerosol Spray out his cat was watching him..
His Cat who i assume cannot read, saw this human being with an Aerosol and
exposed flame and quickly left the building.. Clever Clever Cat.

His animal instinct kicked in!  8 lives left, but he wasnt going Guppies way!!

Is it any wonder i love nature and all its wonder, they never forget how to survive..
I laughed so much at the whole scene last night, i was belly sore today.
All i can say Roger, I did see your photo you sent, it does look sore, and your hair will grow back { well Maybe } But thank God you were wearing your Jocks?
Or we may have had to change your name to "Senorina Rogeda" lol lol lol.

GET WELL SOON.. lol lol lol, Oh God I still think its hilarious!

Old Doll.

Hey Selso,

I, and I am sure anyone else who has performed for an audience, can sympathise with that one, but you are also right that your errors rarely get noticed. I once missed my cue for a verse (well there was an extremely pretty young lady smiling at me) so sooner than come in a bar or two late I just missed out the whole first line of the song and came in on the second as though it was intentional.

James I am not sure what 'crystal meths' is (being the innocent that I am) so I will assume it is either an illegal drink or drug. I am sorry to be a bore but it was just potato. As for the WHOMP or BOOM, well being so close up and personal I was temporarily deafened so I cannot tell. I did however have two pictures blown off the wall and a lampshade ended up on the floor.

Helena I did not tell the bit about Henry (the cat) as I did not want everyone to know that he is more intelligent than I.

Roger

kinda had an experiance like james's but i was about ten or 11 . we lived in germany at the time and it was during winter. went out of our apartment complex yo check the mail or something in my underware. there was aabout a foot and a half of snow on the ground and the door slamed shut on me. stood out there for nearly 15 mins before the the people who lived up stairs let me in. i littarly almost froze to death!!

Grade 9/1969 It was time for our yearbook picture.I made sure that I wore decent clothing that day cuz I wanted to look good. Nice dark brown pants with a matching brown shirt.My hair was longer then,shoulder length and I felt good with myself.
Now me being of shorter stature when it came to group pictures I was always front and center.I took my spot with the rest of my classmates and smiled proudly cuz I was in "Grade Nine".Finally when the pictures were printed in the yearbook I anxiously jumped to our page.To my shock and horror the picture turned out too perfect cuz there I was front and center wearing my dark brown pants with a decent rip right where you don't want one.No such thing as colored underwear back then....nothing but white.
Needless to say I took a lot of ribbing from my classmates and I imagine the rest of the school had a good chuckle too. Man...it was a long year after that.
Don't know why the photographer didn't say anything,he could have saved me a lot of grief LOL
Anyways I look back on it now fondly and with a smile.
So with all the young Chordies that have joined this site,keep this thread in mind for your yearbook pictures.Make Sure.....Make Darn Sure...Make Darn Darn Sure.

Thanks for the thread and the memories

KAP54

Well Buvvy,

Now you mention it my Mum did tell me that fire was dangerous so I guess that counts. Mind you the MOST dangerous thing in our house as a kid was doing what mum said not to do

I remember seeing James Bond killing a snake with an aerosol flame thower and thinking it was cool. When it happened to me it was not so cool I can assure you

Lastly and most importantly:

I CARE!!

But if my little adventure brought a smile to your face then I am glad.

Roger

I took my son into the city to buy him a new football..back at the bus terminal he happily bounced his new football..whilst sat waiting for the bus a lady sat next to me on the seat..you couldn't help but notice that she had the best beard i've ever seen in my life, Grizzle Adams himself would have been proud to have cultivated such a growth of facial hair..My son immediately took an interest in this strange site and stood starring at the spectacle ..This is the point in time i start thinking 'any second now he is going to turn to me and say something' so rather than embarrass myself the lady and all the other waiting passengers i thought i would try and kill the moment and blurted out....SON STOP FUSSING AND GO PLAY WITH YOUR.....BEARD.....( i of course meant to say ball)

EVER FELT LIKE DIGGING A HOLE AND BURYING YOUR HEAD IN IT?   I DID ...

Tough gig to follow Russ... :lol:Thanks for sharing.
KAP54

I think i'll skip the "thawack" after 60 I found that i welcome this celestial event with open arms