• Registered: 2006-08-09
  • Posts: 1

Topic: First song...??

Well, I just completed two songs last night, they are my first posts on Chordie, and I want to know what everyone who looks at them thinks, honestly. I really like writing songs, but I don't really know if they are any good, so critisim is more than welcome.


[First Song]"She's Too Young"

V1:

Please don't break down her defenses/And please don't mention/ all the times you'll never break her heart/As soon as someone comes along/ who'll give you what you really want/

I know she'll be left behind to cry/ and pick the pieces up


Chorus: x1

She's too young not to trust you

She's too young not to love you

She's too young to give her heart away to someone just like you

She's too young...


V2:

On the floor her heart is gone/

is shattered and she knows she'll/ never find someone like you again

For years she'll never trust a man/ assuming she can never win/ the game of love she'll lose/ her faith in the Man Above...


Chorus: x2 [2nd time "I'm too young..]



[Second Song] (don't have a title yet...suggestions?)


You braided your lies around my heart/ in the end it tore me apart/ I can't love you/ can't forgive you/ but I can't live a day/ without you/ imagining what should've and could've been..


Chorus: x1

I'm a wreck without you

I'm a lie without you

I am just a simple girl who covers it with pearls

And diamond rings don't change a thing

Just a simple girl with a dream of you...


I just can't find the words to say/but somehow I'll find a way/ to change the things that went astray/ things that made me say..


Chorus x2.


Okay, those were my songs. Hope you enjoyed and I hope they weren't too hard to read or anything, I'm just new at this.


Thanks,

Kate

  • upyerkilt
  • upyerkilt
  • Unofficial king of Scotland
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  • From: Balloch, Scotland, UK, Earth
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 3,290

Re: First song...??

hi Kate,


I dont thin kmuch of the second song. Dont know why really, I just think the lyrics are cheesy and a bit pish, sorry.lol


but i do like the first song. It can be sung by anyone, male or female young or old.

I actually thought before I read the second chorus that this was wrote by a 40 year old guy wit ha daughter that was rebelling against him and seeing whoever she wanted to see.

Yeah, I like this song. 2 verses is enough and for your first attempt I tihnk both are good attempts but the first i think is really good. oh yeah back to the verse thing,lol...... Would look better if it had a break in it, a break as in  an interlude part, a part that is different from the verse and the chorus but still fits in, a main part of it if you like.


well done, dont give up, keep at it.


Ken

ye get some that are cut out for the job and others just get by from pretending