With thanks to the various internet lists
SH*T HAPPENS in various world religions
TAOISM: SH*T happens.
CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say, "SH*T happens".
ZEN: (What is the sound of SH*T happening?)
JESUITISM: If SH*T happens and when nobody is watching, is it really SH*T?
ISLAM: SH*T happens if it is the will of Allah.
COMMUNISM. Equal SH*T happens to all people.
CATHOLICISM: SH*T happens because you are bad.
PSYCHOANALYSIS: SH*T happens because of your toilet training.
SCIENTOLOGY: SH*T happens if you're on our SH*T list.
ZOROASTRIANISM: Bad SH*T happens, and good SH*T happens.
UNITARIANISM: Maybe SH*T happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.
RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM: Let this SH*T happen to someone else.
JUDAISM: Why does SH*T always happen to US?
REFORM JUDAISM: Got any Kaopectate?
MYSTICISM: What weird SH*T!
AGNOSTICISM: What is this SH*T?
ATHEISM: I don't believe this SH*T!
NIHILISM: Who needs this SH*T?
AZTEC: Cut out this SH*T!
QUAKER: Let's not fight over this SH*T.
FORTEANISM: No SH*T??
12-STEP: I am powerless to cut the SH*T.
VOODOO: Hey, that SH*T looks just like you!
NEWAGE: Visualize SH*T not happening.
DEISM: SH*T just happens.
EXISTENTIALISM: SH*T doesn't happen; SH*T is.
SECULAR HUMANISM: SH*T evolves.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE: SH*T is in your mind.
BUDDHISM: SH*T happens, but pay no mind.
SHINTOISM: SH*T is everywhere.
HINDUISM: This SH*T has happened before.
WICCA: Mix this SH*T together and make it happen!
HASIDISM: SH*T never happens the same way twice.
THEOSOPHY: You don't know half of the SH*T that happens.
DIANETICS: Your mother gave you SH*T before your were born.
SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST: No SH*T on Saturdays.
JEHOVAH's WITNESSES: No SH*T happens until Armageddon.
MOONIES: Only happy SH*T really happens.
HOPI: Corn fertilizer happens.
BAHA'I: It's all the same SH*T.
STOICISM: This SH*T is good for me.
OBJECTIVISM: Our SH*T is good for you.
EST: If my SH*T bothers you, that's your fault.
REAGANISM: Don't move; the SH*T will trickle down.
FASCISM: SH*T makes the trains run on time.
CARGO CULT: A barge will come and take all the SH*T away.
EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-SH*T.
DISCORDIANISM: Some funny SH*T happened to me today.
RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this SH*T.
CHARISMATIC: This is not SH*T and it doesn't smell bad.
MASONIC: SH*T happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
RED CROSS: SH*T happens - send money.
Gutar Player, Singer, Entertainer - At least in my own mind.