funny stories (Page 1 of 2)

ok, guess Ill have to post another one.  mmmmm   which one?  Ive been playing for about 30 years, and have many great tales.  Even thought about writing a book.  But I cant tell some of the best stories without getting arrested or divorced.   lol  Anyway, how about the time we were playing in a small, and I do mean small, country honky tonk called Goobs.  lol  Thats funny enough without more, but of course, there is more.  About halfway through the night, an old guy comes in with a MULE following him. Thats right, a mule.  Or a donkey, or something.  Im not a farmer.  lol  Anyway, he goes right up to the bar and orders a drink, mule right beside him.  We was laughing so hard we almost had to stop playing.  You know, drugs and alcohol can make you see some strange stuff,  but nothing beats real life.  So the next song we played was "My heads in Mississippi", by ZZ Top.  It seemed to fit the ocassion.

HEY there Bobby, I am PRO, that you write a book on a rainy day. The lifes we live are already infected, more than enough, by stress, rush, competion. There is no more time to enjoy. I have time, because of being disabled after a car crash, which gives me a completely different view on our, and my former work.
50 years ago, before the "television boom" people here used to sit on a chair outside, in front of their door, discussing of course about everything.
I really felt in love with chordie, just because of the fact you can learn a lot, you can ask a lot, and you can tell everything, like spinal tap moments, hilarious or serious facts. There is so much more in music land. KEEP WRITING PLEASE.

Hey Everyone,
Many years ago as Rhodesia was changing to Zimbabwe, I was part of the Commonwealth Security Force that was sent to monitor the changeover.  Our job, as soldiers, manily consisted of checking all the ZANU and ZAPU soldiers who came in to 'lay down' their arms after the cease fire.  Usually there was only a few of us at various checkpoints, all from different countries.  I was with a Brit, a Canadian and a Fijian soldier.  Anyway after getting to know each other we all discovered our love for music and while we were preparing our 'checkpoint' we would normally break into a song or two.  The Fijian guy was a master of the guitar and had smuggled one from Salisbury to our checkpoint in the bush.  Anyway after a few days of sparadoically greeting a few rebels, we had no 'visitors' for about a week.  So our day consisted brewing a cuppa, eating and singing the days/nights away.  We were supposed to have a sentry on a few yards up the track but we figured there was a ceasefire on so what the hell.
One beautiful morning about 0700hrs, we were enjoying a cigarette after our morning breaky when the Fijian guys says have we ever heard this song and starts to play "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones.  Well, we all loved that song so off we go on our rendition of Mick and the boys.  It sounded so sweet echoing around the place and our harmonies were spot on.  So we took it from the top and sang it again.  On about our 3rd rendition I look up the track and there before all of us is over 100 ZANU rebel soldiers.  The closest is about 10 feet from us. All packed to the hilt - AK's loaded, camo on, bandanas oily with sweat.  A very surreal moment then occured, when the lead soldier, who looked like he had just come out of hell,  says in the most beautiful english, "Are you guys a band?  I like that song."  Then breaks out into the widest grin you have ever saw.
I tell you that event will always stay with me.  Brilliant.  Now each and every day I play "Wild Horses" and think of my friends that were with me on that track in the middle of no where.  And more especially about the ZANU soldier and how his life is going.

Bobby, do you really have also hundreds of funny facts? We are definitely going to work this out.
I don't know for sure, but I gave a number, like funny facts 9 or 10. It's just a question, but do you agree if we write FUNNY FACTS + number.
I am really glad and happy that you have a lot of funny facts to, it takes tile BRO, reading, hearing it, put it all together, trying to verify if it is 100% correct, and if it isn't, others will notice it.
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                      HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN

Prior to an outdoor gig on the lawn of my college I was attending, I gave my bandmate a pre-gig hug. As we hugged I placed an 8"x10" sign on his back reading, "Clap, yell, and scream, if I'm a Dork". Everytime he turned his back to the audience, the first 5 or 6 rows went nuts.  It was virtually impossible to play. We had to remove the sign half-way through the first song because we simply could not play from laughing hysterically. I'll never forget my bandmate's progression of facial expressions consisting of awe, amazement, excitement,
anger, and then his internal visions of revenge.
    He got me back and got me back good!! After a hard night of playing music and post gig partying I somehow managed to fall asleep smack dab in the middle of a party. I awoke the next morning with one eyebrow, a  shirt pocket full of mustard (I think!!) duct tape covering my entire lower torso and a sign on my chest strategically place upside down reading "Clap, yell, and scream, if  I'm a Dork."

wow thats deep

great stories.   lol   I love it.  Ok Phil, its possible that when I said I have a million stories that thats not exactly the truth.  How about I have lots of them?  Thats better.  hehe
  Time for part two of my Honkys story.  I told you about the dam.  We left there and stopped at a little gas station/bar to ask for directions to Honkys.  Now I dont know who thought it would be a good idea to put a bar and gas station in the same building.  Kinda blows the whole dont drink and drive thing.  But we was drinking and driving too (as well as other stuff) so I guess I shouldnt judge. Well actually only one of us was driving, but all four was drinking.  lol  Anyway, two old geezers were sitting outside the bar/gas station so we pulled up and asked for directions to Honkys.  They looked at us and said, "You dont want to go there".  Hua?  Uh, we came 100 miles to find this place.  We DO want to go there.  We told them we was in a band.  They said "Oh, a band?  They will like yall then".  And they gave us directions.  lol  Ok, on the way we had to go through this wooded area that had a big fire the year before.  I dont know if any of yall have ever seen a forest that has been burned.  It lookd very creepy.  Scary even.  But we kept going.  So finally, we get through the burned area and get to the place.  Finally.  It was this old tin building.  Looked like it might fall down any time. It didnt look safe.  So a friend of ours that rode down with us said "Are yall going in?".   We drove 100 miles and almost fell over a dam, heck yea we are going in.  We walked through the door and it was packed with a young crowd.  Beautiful women.  A real party place.  We talked to the owner (and old lady with no teeth) and gave her a cassette of our band.  This was 20 years ago, no cds yet.  She put it in a tape player and liked it.  Hired us on the spot.  We played there probably a dozen times, had great crowds, great shows.  Party all night long.  It turned out to be a very cool place.  But the trip down there was maybe the funniest day of my life.   We still talk about that.  We have two songs about the expierence.  I could tell the story about our bass player and this girl he met there, but you have to ask him about that.  lol   I dont know if the club is still there, but Ill never forget Honkys.

Hi Jerome. Did Thieb win the prize bride? You must have split a gut laughing.

Badeye..

A colleague of my wife driving to work one morning down a very busy street.  At a stoplight she noticed a little fluffy dog wandering close to the road.  A good friend was right behind her so she called her cell phone and asked, "Do you know who's little dog that is?"  The friend said, "Oh that belongs to the people in that big house on the corner."

My wife's colleague wanted to pull over and help the dog get away from the road, but the traffic was too intense.  So, she went on her way to work hoping the little fluffy pup would be OK.

A few days later she is doing chores around her house.  She looks out the window and sees the little fluffy dog out in her yard.  She thinks, "Oh no - the poor little thing is still lost and has wandered a couple of miles from home."  She runs outside in her bathrobe and calls the little dog.  The little dog runs right up to her all happy and wagging.  She opens the door to her car and dog jumps right in.

She drives down the road to the big house on the corner.  The dog hops right out and follows her to the front door all happy as can be.  After ringing the doorbell several times, she figures nobody is home so she goes around to the carport door.  There is a car there.  The fluffy dog follows her around and is very happy.

She again rings and knocks but gets no response.  On a whim she tries the door knob.  The door is unlocked, so she opens the door and the dog runs right in and jumps up on the couch as happy as can be.  She looks up the residents in the phone book and leaves a message on the answering machine saying she found their dog and brought it home.

The next day, she had not heard back from the residents so she gets worried about the dog and goes by the house.  Everything is still the same - a car in the carport and the side door unlocked.  She lets herself in once again and the little dog comes running to greet her.  She lets the dog out into the back yard for a few minutes and then back inside.  She puts out a bowl of water.  The dog is very happy and friendly.  She leaves a note on the kitchen counter.

Next day, she still hasn't heard from the residents.  She brings some dog food from home (becasue she didn't want to rummage through the stranger's cabinets) and feeds the dog, lets it out, etc.  This goes on for a week - daily visits to the stranger's house to tend the little fluffy dog and repeated messages on their phone.  The little fluffy dog was happy as could be.

Finally, one evening she gets a call from the residents.  They say, "Thank you for taking such good care of this little dog, but we don't have a dog.  We have been on a cruise.  The door should have been locked, but we are glad you found this cute little dog and took care of it.  We do not want a dog, would like to keep it?  If not, we know someone who's beloved pet died and they would probably like to give this dog a home."

Hey Bobbystring, the string is that about your underwear? I am just telling this, because on a hot day some weeks ago, we died almost all laughing with a big fat "German" (no offence for fellow German chordians), who walked on the beach, just wearing a string. It's a shame that I was too late to grab my camera, this is an image I will never forget.
But to come back about the funny subject STORIES, the word tells us enough. I amuse myself more looking up funny and strange facts.
THIS IS ALSO AN ITEM MAKING CHORDIE SO NICE: THERE ARE ALREADY ENOUGH SERIOUS SUBJECTS? SO THE VARIETY IS GREAT, and we start more and more to know each other THANKS TO CHORDIE. I am surfing on the net, especially since the day I had to stop working, but I never found 1 (ONE) site like this. Sometimes you will see a "chat"site, but if you see the number of members, and the delay between 2 subjects, I say thanks and goodbye.

I don't know if you could call this funny or mean on my part but I was a teenager and a little drunk at the time. Some friends and I went to a local club to watch a band play. We slowly worked our way to the side of the very little stage and I found myself standing next to the drummer. The drummer always put foot powder on his hands to help stop the sweating. after the first set we noticed that one of the local guys who always managed to party on everyone elses dime came in. This guy was a pain in the a$$ as he never had money and would mooch cigarettes, drinks and stuff from anyone. So I get the bright idea to take the footpowder put a little on my pack of cigarettes and shape a few lines with it. Sure enough here comes our begger looking at the lines with envy. I asked him if he wanted to party with us and offered him the pack........... lets just say I've never seen someones eyes water and nose bleed so much. He never asked me for a single thing again.

As and adult now I see the danger in what I did yet it was a story that circulated in our circle of friends for quite a while. At the time we really got a good laugh over it!

Michel