• mojo01
  • mojo01
  • Head Pickle Rhymer
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  • From: nacogdoches texas
  • Registered: 2014-10-27
  • Posts: 568

Topic: no name yet

I don't have a name for this one yet and there may be a another verse added. fighting a summer chest cold and heading to work tomorrow so may be a few days before I post a recording of it. this song will probably not make sense to most of you but to those that know me it will

(D)                                 (G)         (A)
knew a boy who was torn in half
(A)                   (G)     (A)             (G)       (D)
watched him sail away on a sunken raft

he lost his mind on a sea of dreams
tried to cleanse his soul in a mountain stream

the prodigal son who would not come home
he was bound and chained to the seeds he sown

chorus
(D)      (G)           (A)       (G)                              (D)
not a day goes by         that I don't wonder why
             (G)             (A)                    (G)     (D)
it still makes me blue because every day
            (G)          (D)
I still think of you

he could not deny that mistakes were made
but the token queen he could not persuade

closed his ears and he shut the door
that's when I realized it was never more

now there's a broken branch in the family tree
and a world of love some may never see

chorus

out of tune out of key and out of touch
  • Registered: 2015-07-31
  • Posts: 2,793

Re: no name yet

Clever use of words putting all sorts of pictures in my mind.

  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,704

Re: no name yet

a lot of metaphor in there i think. sounds to me like a break-up song, maybe wrong? but the words flow together so well and they're carefully chosen i think. well done cant wait till you feel well enough to record it.

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • From: Virginia, USA
  • Registered: 2016-02-07
  • Posts: 923

Re: no name yet

Hope you feel better soon. Great song. Maybe "Broken Branch" could be a name to consider.

Music is what feelings sound like.
Music is life, that why our hearts have beats.
  • From: NY
  • Registered: 2009-08-26
  • Posts: 4,320

Re: no name yet

Some seriously good word play in there, although it sounds like some seriously heavy stuff with family. sad I agree with CG - perhaps "Broken Branch".  I have a feeling another verse or a really strong chorus is needed.  This one is going to be catchy Mojo, and like all the best ones, it may take some time to get through it all the way.  Reminds me a bit of the relationship between a father and daughter I know (not me).  sad

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

mekidsmom's Website

  • mojo01
  • mojo01
  • Head Pickle Rhymer
  • Offline
  • From: nacogdoches texas
  • Registered: 2014-10-27
  • Posts: 568

Re: no name yet

thanks for all the well wishes everyone, apparently sinus problems and flying don't mix well
Amy your real close I thought the prodigal son line would give it away
CG I like the broken branch  may try to work that into a chorus

out of tune out of key and out of touch
  • From: Nova Scotia, Canada
  • Registered: 2013-01-20
  • Posts: 4,083

Re: no name yet

Reminds me of some of my oldest son's misadventures in life.

  • From: Chillicothe, Ohio
  • Registered: 2010-08-16
  • Posts: 1,013

Re: no name yet

Those are some of the best lyrics I've seen posted on this site.  I agree that the chorus is a little weak in comparison to the verses, but a little tweaking may turn what is a very good song into a great song.

I want to read my own water, choose my own path, write my own songs