Some Free Jokes For On-Stage Patter (Page 1 of 2)

Not bad Bill but how about this      Your mama is so dumb she sold her car too buy gas for it.       That one has been around for awile.

Hi phill back in the nineties ther was alot of fooling around with others by telling jokes about your mama is so dumb she did such and such so it got some laughs and mainly for entertainment. Re-read some of those above you may understand.

My current favourite is about the woman who was arrested for bludgeoning her husband to death with his guitar collection.

At her appearance in court, the judge asked "First offender?"

To which she replied "No! First a Gibson and then a Fender"

Roger

P.S. As Amy now knows (I ate some at her home) crisp sandwiched are a British delicacy. They are even on the Aer Lingus flight menu. Great with tomato ketchup on too.

Now I got that one, and if you got to die....that's the way to do it.

I used to do an hour of comedy in my act, but all the jokes, the clean ones anyway, have left my memory or should that be forgetery?

I like that one. I hope Phill or any of the British do not ask about You Might be a Redneck Joke's. I about How you call cigrettes fags and wake me up in the morning is said Knock me up in the morning!! .   Fags over here are Gay guys and Knock up is another way of saying a women is Pragnent.

the americanism; OK comes from the scottish; och aye meaning well yes!

our jelly is your jello

your chips are our crisps

your french fries....well they're just awful, we (in wales) call them skinny chips

your beer is our lager, beer to us is mild or bitter (it's not really bitter, or warm)

our plectrum is your pick

our bonnet is your hood, our boot is your trunk which to us is what an elephant has hanging down the front end

and ref mr harding; a harp is a mouth organ and slide guitar is bottle neck...go figure

who cares anyway, musos don't need to talk to be understood

Phill - Roger and I had a VERY FUN time talking about these very things when he was here.  The best was something he said about a duck... it would have made little sense here, though sounded like quite an insult... and he meant it in the nicest possible way!  Ha ha ha!  Good times... good times... (meanwhile, he was frustrated with having to ask for no ice in his drinks because here, we ice everything!  Americans are so cold!  hee hee hee)

Talking of ice....Ann my better half, drinks vodca and lemonade (the fizzy kind) and will give me hell if I return from the bar with ice in it saying; more ice less vodca, so no ice. Thought you might like to know that?

I had heard from another Englishman (JJ who's rarely around anymore) that it can mean really ticked off OR it can mean really good stuff. 

Fizzy lemonade?  um.... or is it a drink that's already mixed that happens to be fizzy?  OR is it Vodka, Lemonade, and seltzer water? Love me some Vodka, but whatever it's with it must have ice.  I think the only thing I drink without ice though is milk, hot cocoa and coffee ... actually... sometimes iced coffee is good too!

What the heck is "Hard Lemonade"? Every time I think of it, I wanna puke.

Ahhhh... I may have gotten Roger hooked on Mountain Dew (citrus flavored carbonated beverage with TONS of caffeine in it... in Central NY we call these carbonated drinks "Soda" aka "soda-pop" - in Western NY they just call it "pop") when he was here.  Yes, 7up... Sprite... etc.  That makes sense. 

Yup, when we say lemonade we mean a concoction of fresh squeezed lemon juice, water, and sugar.    ALWAYS made by the pitcher full!

just got an email from amy, she's moving home to a location undisclosed....ha, ha, ha....:lol:

ps, we call it pop too, orangeade, lemonade, dandelion & burdock, even pepsi gets called pop. soda is for whiskey