the council workman

this came to me this morning in the shower...as a song sung in a comedy cockney accent....ah well

The Council Workman.                Phill Williams.

The council sent a workman who was good at digging holes.
He had his pick and shovel and his dirty workman clothes.
He sat there with his radio his Thermos and his cup.
Drinking tea till 4 o'clock then he packed away his stuff.

The union says at 4 o'clock I have to make a move.
I have to put my tools away and some cones around this hole.

He got his tin of marking paint and marked where he should dig.
He mustn't dig it far too small or make it deep or big.
Busses passed and taxis too and a lorry full of coal.
They struggled to get 'round the cones and stay out of the hole.

Health and safety stipulates; the hole it must be safe.
So cones and tape and warning signs are stuck all over the place.

Someone went to ask him “why are you digging there?”
“'Cos that's where I've been told to dig”, as he sat back in his chair.
The sun shone on the first day. The rain poured on the fourth.
Second day was Saturday, Sunday beer and roast.

Union says “man must have a rest at weekends and at night.
To help him in his daily chores so he'll get things right.”

Two weeks have now passed us by the hole is filled with trash.
The council boss came 'round and said....
“It's the wrong street that you've dug this hole, YOU'RE SACKED YOU STUPID.... PERSON.”

I changed the last word to avoid offence