50 Ways to Love Your Liver

A post in another thread reminded me of this foolishness I came up with a few years ago:

50 WAYS to LOVE YOUR LIVER

She said "Your problem's in your head" or something such
The whole thing's fuzzy, and I don't remember much
Then my zipper stuck, and I struggled to go pee
There must be fifty ways to love my liver.

She said it's really not my habit to get drunk
Furthermore, I hope you won't be thinking what I think you might've thunk
But I'll repeat myself, 'cause I'm drunk as a skunk
There must be fifty ways to love your liver
Fifty ways to love your liver

You just lay off the gin, Lynn
Put down the wine, Brian,
You don't need to drink rum, chum,
Just sober yourself
Ease off the sauce, Ross
Don't need to fall down much
Just put down the beer, dear
And sober yourself.

She said it grieves me so to see you lookin' pale
I wish there was something else to drink but stale old British ale
I said dunno 'bout that, what was all that crap you said
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep it off tonight
In the morning your head will pound and you will hate the light
And then she passed out and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to love your liver
Fifty ways to love your liver .

Now I'll probably get shot for malicious idiocy.