1 Topic by joeyjoeyjoey (edited by joeyjoeyjoey 2011-06-16 08:30:11)

  • From: massachusetts
  • Registered: 2010-10-18
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Topic: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

Heres the situation.Played in a band.I was schrduled out at first.They would jam on times when they knew I was working and couldnt make it.Then in february I had a misunderstanding? with one member and quit.Nothing to do with music..Fast forward. Formed a new band.(still in the starting stages).The band I was in practices on times I can make it.I was invited back but on the times I was working.I dont think I was supposed to know about the jamming on my times.Now I got a lead singer(female).Within 18 hours I am suddenly welcome back with open arms. I politely declined. Am I being too cynical or is the point obvious. First I was treated like a leper,now I am welcome over.The timing seems to be more than a coincidence to me.If this singer didnt come about would the invitation still come.What do you think?Also one member is in both bands.So it wasnt a secret.He wasnt trying to start anything.I think he was just mentioning it

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  • From: Hampshire, UK
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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

Hi Joey

Without meaning to sound condescending, have you actually asked anybody what's going on and explained your thoughts and feelings to them? I think it might be a step in the right direction.

Jerry

Live the life you love, love the life you live

3 Reply by deadstring (edited by deadstring 2011-06-16 13:15:33)

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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

After reading other posts I realize I expressed an attitude not in line with my signature.The replies above and below mine are both more appropriate! Sorry. AL

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  • Zurf
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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

To me, it's like this.  From a being able to play perspective, it makes sense for you to associate yourself with folks who can play when you can.  I don't see any problem with that.

From a 'how to treat people perspective', it matters a great deal WHY you started the new band.  If you did it out of spite, that's not good.  If you did it from a practical perspective of "Oh, you guys play when I can't, so I just figured to get with some folks who are on my schedule", then not.  That you're doing it openly is good.  But if you did it from spite or from anger or from a bruised ego, then I think you do need to have that conversation with them as suggested by Buzzwagon.  You shouldn't let hard feelings fester. 

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  • From: A black hole in deep space
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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

I think what it boils down to is if your happy with the present band situation you formed then no explanation is needed politics have no place in a band, to me a band is like family and you dont withhold the truth from each other when it comes to band business.

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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

Agree with all the above.  Say it like it is and go from there.  If there's a question, ask it... if there's a concern say it.  Too much goes on in life in which people guess what others are thinking and then just end up screwing themselves over a misunderstanding.  remember the old saying, "when you ASSUME you make an ........."

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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

if i read your post right, i think you are being side-lined, they get you in, then decide they dont want you cos you dont fit? you then form another band, with a female vocalist....great, suddenly your in demand again. what's gonna happen when the singer gets her feet under the table, are you gonna be dumped again?

jump before your pushed my friend, put all your energies into your own band.

phill

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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

I say get your lead singer signed to a long term contract. Sounds to me like they may be trying to get her through you.

nela

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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

Well, on the surface, only knowing what info you gave us, it appears to be obvious, but it's hard to say.  First, ask yourself what it is they don't like about you and then, as others have stated, go up to them and come right out nicely and ask them what the problem is. Tell them you are trying to straighten yourself out, but can't until they are honest with you. Sometimes honesty hurts.  Are you demanding, do you have to have things your way?  I, in no way am trying to say one way or the other what I think may be causing this conflict.  It is not my place.  I do know that something like that would bother me and I would be looking to myself first.  Just another Dr. Phil moment.  I hope things work out for you.  And I wish you the best of luck.

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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

I think mkm has a good answer,pete I like the Dr Phil moment!! I also hope things will work out for you.

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11 Reply by joeyjoeyjoey (edited by joeyjoeyjoey 2011-06-17 00:41:23)

  • From: massachusetts
  • Registered: 2010-10-18
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Re: Am I being too cynical(what do you think of this)

Thank you for all your answers.Here are some little tidbits.I formed a new band to play with others,not out of spite.I still have been playing with a player from the other band.The incident was in february,the new band was formed in may.I was never informed about the sunday practices again.Demanding was the least thing I was.I played music I agreed upon,but not too much of what I really wanted.I am still on speaking terms with them.The misunderstanding was about a joke I made about killing my wife.One of them took it seriously.If I was serious, it is nice to know someone would have stepped in.Having a history of substance abuse problems,he thought I had lost it and went berzerk.(NOTE,I HAVE BEEN CLEAN AND SOBER FOR 19 YEARS).We were gone our seperate ways and suddenly I am invited back Less than 24 hours after this happened.There are no hard feelings,but I am still cautious and cynical.I hope that clears up any questions about the incidents before this happened. My reasoning in leaving that band was,if one person got that mad over a stupid joke,what happens if I really screw up.Gabbytrout used to go there and jam with his son.I think everyone knows how protective I am of her.Thanx again.

Enjoy Every Sandwich
Nothing In Moderation  -- Live Fast. Love Hard. Die Young And Leave A Beautiful Corpse. -- Buy It Today. Cry About It Tomorrow.