1 Topic by jamier (edited by jamier 2013-11-08 05:04:40)

  • jamier
  • jamier
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Johannesburg
  • Registered: 2010-05-20
  • Posts: 101

Topic: Watcher

You stare at me with a steady gaze
Silently watching

Your emotions are secret
your thoughts more so

Always looking down at me
Judging

Never offering advice or help
What use are you?

They say you are important
I can't see why

You look so pure
but men have touched you

What is it you seek?
Can you feel love?

You pace in circles
A hunter closing in

You seem so close to me
but are distant

Always restless and changing
tonight you are at your Fullest

  • From: NY
  • Registered: 2009-08-26
  • Posts: 4,320

Re: Watcher

Perhaps an ode to the moon?  I LIKE IT!

Art and beauty are in the eyes of the beholder.
What constitutes excellent music is in the ears of the listener.

mekidsmom's Website

  • jamier
  • jamier
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Johannesburg
  • Registered: 2010-05-20
  • Posts: 101

Re: Watcher

Thanks for your positive comment Mekidsmom.
I was worried it was a bit vague and obscure and wouldn't make sense.
I wanted it to seem like I was describing a person and at the end try to hit the reader with a bit of a twist.
Hope I succeeded.

Jamie R

  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: Watcher

Hello Jamier

There's nothing vague about this piece at all. It's a wonderful piece full of imagery.

I loved it. It conjured up all sorts in my mind while reading.

Thank you"

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • jamier
  • jamier
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Johannesburg
  • Registered: 2010-05-20
  • Posts: 101

Re: Watcher

Old Doll, it's so gratifying to know that someone has enjoyed something I have written.
I am a bit unsure on how to structure actual songs at the moment.The more I read of the work by the brilliant songwriters / poets here on Chordie I'm sure it's going to help me.

Thanks for taking the time to give feedback.
Much appreciated.

Jamie R

  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,708

Re: Watcher

hi jamie,

i guess poetry is meant to be deep and inscrutable, and make you ask the question; what do i see here?

in effect we must all draw our own conclusions, whether it be an ode to the moon or a light bulb!

excellent work, i'm sure we will see more from you

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • jamier
  • jamier
  • Senior Member
  • Offline
  • From: Johannesburg
  • Registered: 2010-05-20
  • Posts: 101

Re: Watcher

Phill, thanks man.
I am new at this game so am glad to hear than I'm doing something right.

Jamie R