• From: South Florida
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 86

Topic: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Self Focus


Tripping over myself

If the battle is for the mind I never had a chance

I've been running non-stop in vein

My crying out gets snuffed out before words even form

Disasters left and right my thoughts are on me

I feel like a traitor who wants to be a traitor

I carry my heart on sheets of white, Stained from the blood of deep cuts

My soul drips through pen tips, Sliding over paper as a picture of my wounds

Inflicted, Struck hard

Im hit, Im down, Im out

"I want my 2 Dollars!!!!!"
  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Only out of ink Sir ? i hope!

Your a very deep thinker young man.  Introverted piece, but excellent.


I've been running non-stop in vein.  { This sentence speaks volumns to me. }

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • From: South Florida
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 86

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

I write what I feel and sometimes I don't feel so good. Luckily I don't stay there very long. 8-)
Was the out of ink in reference to the length of the poem? If so, I guess I had nothing else to say about it.

"I want my 2 Dollars!!!!!"
  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

No! Stretch papa,

I just meant {  that you just may stop writing} The piece is as it should be Sir. complete.

Thank You>

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • From: derbyshire
  • Registered: 2007-05-17
  • Posts: 2,844

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

hi stretch pappa there's some hurting in the lines i hope it mendable ,turn on some music and relax,well done....stay cool

love is life ,life is for love,keep a true heart and live life to the full....stay cool

daddycool's Website

  • From: South Florida
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 86

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

It's  never permanent!! Thanks for the  kind words.
Where is Derbyshire?

"I want my 2 Dollars!!!!!"
  • From: South Florida
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 86

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Old Doll wrote:

No! Stretch papa,

I just meant {  that you just may stop writing} The piece is as it should be Sir. complete.

Thank You>

Old Doll.

Don't even know if that's possible! 8-)

"I want my 2 Dollars!!!!!"
  • KAP54
  • Honoured Member
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  • From: London Ontario Canada
  • Registered: 2008-06-04
  • Posts: 1,746

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Hi Stretch
Writing a song is like painting a picture.....Too much paint and the picture is ruined.To me this piece feels complete also, but like I have been told here....I am the boss of what I write so I take all advise as what it is....Good solid advise from good solid friends. smile
You have a very deep and complex style of writing and when I read your words I get a Cohen kind of a feel to them(That is a big compliment).It would be cool if you could put a melody and chords to your words and post them in song format to give us a better feel for what you are saying.

Thanks for the writing smile

KAP54

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)
  • Registered: 2008-01-05
  • Posts: 2

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Hey KAP,

I think I am going to try that. See what happens. Maybe it will suck, but maybe it won't.........I'll post it if it doesn't completely suck!! 8-)

Thanks everyone.

  • KAP54
  • Honoured Member
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  • From: London Ontario Canada
  • Registered: 2008-06-04
  • Posts: 1,746

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Hey Stretch.....Is that you 8-)   smile

Post Away Matey...It's all about gettin gooder and doing something you love doing.

KAP54 smile

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)
  • From: South Florida
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 86

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

KAP54 wrote:

Hey Stretch.....Is that you 8-)   smile

Post Away Matey...It's all about gettin gooder and doing something you love doing.

KAP54 smile

Yeah apparently I am also known around the world as Shakey Jakey!!
And I apparently also incoherently make multiple identities on forums! HA.
Hey I posted a song on Ourstage. You can look it up as stretchpapa1.
Let me know what you think.

"I want my 2 Dollars!!!!!"
  • KAP54
  • Honoured Member
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  • From: London Ontario Canada
  • Registered: 2008-06-04
  • Posts: 1,746

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Just had listen to "Moonlight Ride". Very mellow and easy flowing song that I really enjoyed.
#655 and moving up I would think smile.
Good melody.
Good voice.
Good playing.
Good lyrics.
Good job:)
You have a good handle on recording.What system are you using?
Thought I would post the link to OurStage to save a lot of searching.

Thanks KAP54


http://www.ourstage.com/fanclub/stretchpapa1
stretchpapa1's Fan Club | OurStage.com

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)
  • From: Almancil, Algarve, Portugal
  • Registered: 2006-09-02
  • Posts: 6,205

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Hi papa,

I too have had a listen to "Moonlight Ride" on OurStage and I agee with Kenny, a very good job indeeed.

Roger

"Do, or do not; there is no try"

Roger Guppy's Website

  • From: Paisley, Scotland
  • Registered: 2006-07-09
  • Posts: 337

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

How do man of many names 8-)

Just checked out your ourstage song and liked it a lot. Catchy and very easy to listen to. Liked the build up at about 2.20....very good.

Looking forward to seeing more of your work there too. I've added myself as a fan (as I suggest everyone else should too) so good luck and keep on writing

All I got, is a red guitar, three chords and the truth

bud_wiser's Website

  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Lovely Voice,  Pretty lyrics, Great recording.

I enjoyed it very much Sir!

Good luck to you.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • From: South Florida
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 86

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Hey everybody. Thanks for the support. The encouragement is always welcome.

Kappa Kappa Fi - I actually have a ZOOM digital 8 track. I bought it used and have been very satisfied with the results. It records clean and is easy to use. I want to get the 16 track model. You can record simultaneously. I cannot with the 8 track. I actually just fried the unit and have to send it in for repair. Unfortunately I do nor have the ends right now. So I am on pause. 8-(

Thanks Bud! I just accepted your proposal to become friends. (That sounds very businessy)
Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff as well!
Does anybody else from Chordie have an account at Ourstage that you know of??

"I want my 2 Dollars!!!!!"
  • dino48
  • Honoured Member
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  • From: los banos,california
  • Registered: 2007-04-06
  • Posts: 6,801

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Great job all around,keep up the good work.   dino

my papy said son your going too drive me too drinking if you dont stop driving that   Hot  Rod  Lincoln!! Cmdr cody and his lost planet airman
  • arkady
  • arkady
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  • From: England
  • Registered: 2006-11-23
  • Posts: 2,147

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Hey stretch
A nice Laid back sound your've got there....
well done
Ark

  • From: South Florida
  • Registered: 2006-03-04
  • Posts: 86

Re: Another older thing I wrote. (Poem?)

Thanks Dino!!

Arky - I dig a laid back song especially if you are trying to lull twin boys to sleep!!!!

"I want my 2 Dollars!!!!!"