1 Topic by rikukairiforever (edited by rikukairiforever 2008-07-03 21:13:44)

  • Registered: 2008-07-01
  • Posts: 9

Topic: never make it

the strum pattern for the D-Dsus4 (in this song) is D x3      Dsus4 x3     D x3      Dsus4 x3


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I'm a bit of a novice at song writing, so I'm sure it's no good, but tell me what you think, and if you have any ideas that you think would make it better then tell me

I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear I'm the face you have to face mirror in your stare I'm what's left I'm what's right I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that takes you down, brings you to your knees
-Foo Fighters (the Pretender)
  • From: North Carolina
  • Registered: 2007-02-08
  • Posts: 1,914

Re: never make it

Welcome to chordie! Nice song... I see your a kingdom hearts fan! Peace!-Pix

[b][color=#FF0000]If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something.
[/color][/b]         [b]Peace of mind. That's my piece of mind...[/b]

Guitarpix's Website

  • Registered: 2007-04-03
  • Posts: 3,489

Re: never make it

Lovely wee song,

Short but, with all the emotion conveyed.

Very well done.  Fáilte  to Chordie.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !
  • From: Almancil, Algarve, Portugal
  • Registered: 2006-09-02
  • Posts: 6,204

Re: never make it

Hi Rik and welcome to Chordie,

Your song is a little short but it gets the message across.

I do think that you should record it so we can hear it as it should be. Well done and thank you.

Roger

"Do, or do not; there is no try"

Roger Guppy's Website

  • KAP54
  • Honoured Member
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  • From: London Ontario Canada
  • Registered: 2008-06-04
  • Posts: 1,746

Re: never make it

G-day Rik and welcome to chordie.
Well done for your first post.You say what your feeling and thats what makes it good.
Maybe for your next song, if it is a short song than type all chorus and verse lines to keep the flow going for those of us that are trying to visualize it as we play it.

KAP54 smile

Just Keepin on Keepin on
Martin DC15E
Cort MR710F
Squire Strat (Chinese)

6 Reply by rikukairiforever (edited by rikukairiforever 2008-07-03 00:41:13)

  • Registered: 2008-07-01
  • Posts: 9

Re: never make it

it is short, but I have problems sometimes thinking of more lyrics, if you guys have any suggestions I'm all ears, I don't exactly have a way of recording it anytime soon, I'll try to get on that, but even though there aren't many words, when I played it out on my guitar after writing it took about 3-4 mins.

but thank you guys for the feedback

I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear I'm the face you have to face mirror in your stare I'm what's left I'm what's right I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that takes you down, brings you to your knees
-Foo Fighters (the Pretender)
  • From: Almancil, Algarve, Portugal
  • Registered: 2006-09-02
  • Posts: 6,204

Re: never make it

Hi Rik,

If this song takes between 3 and 4 minutes to play then that is absolutely fine. One reason that I try and persuade Members to record their songs is that there is a vast difference between what you can write down and the reality of the song.

In the past there have been instances where two people have recorded the same song from just the chords and lyrics and it is interesting to hear the difference in tempo, style and melody that emerges.

A cheap microphone plugged into your PC can produce a good enough recording to let everyone hear how you intendedyour song to be and I run Friends of Chordie on MySpace for any Chordie Members who want somewhere to place their recordings.

Roger

"Do, or do not; there is no try"

Roger Guppy's Website

  • Registered: 2008-07-01
  • Posts: 9

Re: never make it

well, I have a friend who's setting up a recording studio, I just don't know when I'll get a chance to record it, plus I used to have a microphone like that, but I lost it, and I understand what you mean

I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear I'm the face you have to face mirror in your stare I'm what's left I'm what's right I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that takes you down, brings you to your knees
-Foo Fighters (the Pretender)
  • From: derbyshire
  • Registered: 2007-05-17
  • Posts: 2,844

Re: never make it

hi rik welcome to chordie and have a fun time,a great first post,short but sweet as they say,well done....stay cool

love is life ,life is for love,keep a true heart and live life to the full....stay cool

daddycool's Website

  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,695

Re: never make it

hi rik,

i tried strumming along but the chord sequence is a bit strange for me not knowing how you intend the song to go. G to Em to Dmaj7 to C#m? i cant wait to hear the flow of the melody line.
the words and phrasing  are fine, but you will get a better grip on lyrics as you progress.
you say it lasts 4 to 5 minutes? you must play it very slowly or do you repeat the verse as well as the chorus. please understand i'm not criticizing your work here, just trying to understand what your doing and hopefully give some advice and help.

good song though and it shows that you are writing from the heart, rather than just slamming anything down to go with the chords.

keep it up

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • Registered: 2008-07-01
  • Posts: 9

Re: never make it

yeah, as I was looking at it, I realized that it didn't fit any standard progressions, I have to change it around a bit, but I haven't had much time I've been really busy with football, and Church, and family and stuff like that

I'm the voice inside your head you refuse to hear I'm the face you have to face mirror in your stare I'm what's left I'm what's right I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that takes you down, brings you to your knees
-Foo Fighters (the Pretender)
  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,695

Re: never make it

hi rik,
please dont think i was criticising your work, it's a lovely sentiment, and it's a good song too, so dont get despondent, and when i say you will get better please take it the right way, because the more you write your bound to some that wont come up to the standard you've already set yourself, we all do, great first effort [if it's your first?] keep it up

phill

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website