1 Topic by Peatle Jville (edited by Peatle Jville 2017-12-02 07:46:00)

  • Registered: 2015-07-31
  • Posts: 2,793

Topic: No Sob Story.

This is what happened to me while walking through Wellington City. It is a poem that I don't think would work as a song.  I wrote it down on a piece of paper just minutes after this experience. I have taken to carrying a pen and paper everywhere to record moments like this.

                                                                         No Sob Story
Walking through Cuba Mall
I came across a loud voice man.
Standing on top of a garden brick wall
He yells out at the top of his voice
"Your communities assests are not these beautiful buildings''.
''It is the people inside it's walls.''
His words stopped me in my tracks while others make their frantic escape.
Though he looks dishevelled.
His mind seems tidy.
His words briefly make my legs undependable.
My feet stIck  to  dry concrete.
Somehow I'm caught inside his weird spell.
With my mind ensnared by his words.
I find my negative view of him is being challenged..
He's not saying I have got a problem.
Negative people make everything a problem.
"My freedom comes from little," he yells.
"In this time of unparalleled hurts and pressures."
"My simple choices not to have plenty is an adventure not a handicap."
His words sounding like a sermon flow out of his mouth.
"It's not a boring comfort zone." he preaches.
"You can't tell me it's too difficult . " he shouts out in a  challenging manner.
His motivational  speech continues,
"I don't succumb to negative emotions such as jealousy ,hatred, blame."
"Because I have little."
"Want little"
"Need little"
"There is no pressure on me."
He stops his clever oratory  on life
His silent head turning left and right scans the area around him.
Next thing my eyes lock with his.
Me the only one in his audience  now feeling uncomfortable.
He jumps down of the wall, approaches me.
In a soft voice he asks me.
" Mate can you spare me a two dollar coin"?.
My hesitant hand reaches into my pocket and gives him more than I want to.
My legs feeling powerful again
Help me disengage and move  away.
While thinking why did I let this happen to me ?

  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,704

Re: No Sob Story.

Wow!!!!

It's amazing for me to read your experiences and how you manage to put them to paper. I can't ever seen this being put to music, Lloyd Webber would struggle. But that matters not a jot. I'm not sure if it's an oratory or a commentary,it is a statement of true life and a report of an actual event.


Congrats to the All Blacks, like I said, they pasted us. But what an entertaining game.
Well done. A lesson to us all to keep our eyes and minds open.

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

3 Reply by Peatle Jville (edited by Peatle Jville 2017-11-30 01:57:47)

  • Registered: 2015-07-31
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Re: No Sob Story.

Cheers Phill it is  me in a way stealing this man's words. There is an industry today round  motivational  conferences where keynote speakers get paid big money to address and motivate crowds. Here I am on a street  listening to someone I would normally  avoid and actually getting something out of it. What I had given to him out of my pocket reluctantly at the time,   I  now feel  he has earned through his theatrical eloquence..

It was a shame the wheels fell of the Welsh team in the second half.

  • TIGLJK
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Re: No Sob Story.

Peatle

That was wonderful - extremely vivid depiction of the incident.  Very powerful words - well done

Jim

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke
  • Registered: 2015-07-31
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Re: No Sob Story.

Cheers TIG, I  can't claim most of those words  as mine it  is more about me reporting what the Rag Poet was saying while standing on the wall. in Cuba Street

  • From: Wellington New Zealand
  • Registered: 2010-03-24
  • Posts: 1,388

Re: No Sob Story.

Gidday Peatle
this is a brilliant observation & writing.
Many a so called journalist would be envious of this piece.
keep writing!!!

The King Of Audio Torture
  • Jandle
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Re: No Sob Story.

Awesome Peatle, very clever piece of written work here smile

Laugh Lots ... Forgive Much ...  Love one another     smile
Covers and some Originals found over there    ------- >    https://soundcloud.com/ukulelejan

8 Reply by Peatle Jville (edited by Peatle Jville 2017-12-01 06:09:02)

  • Registered: 2015-07-31
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Re: No Sob Story.

Thank you EB and Jandle for taking the time to have a read and give me some feedback. Hopefully now I am retired I will get the time to practice writing as I struggle with spelling and punctuation.  As  my Correspondent School, english teacher said, "In written English, punctuation is vital to disambiguate the meaning of sentences." Having left normal school  at fifteen I haven't got a clue how to DISAMBIGUATE anything. Even my forty five years in the printing Industry didnt help me to Disambiguate. Maybe Disambiguate is a country where people are known as  Dis Am Big You Eighties. Well that is the English language I guess confusing but good.

  • Jandle
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Re: No Sob Story.

haha welcome and i reckon there could be a song in that Peatle ...................... DISAMBIGUATE  lol

Laugh Lots ... Forgive Much ...  Love one another     smile
Covers and some Originals found over there    ------- >    https://soundcloud.com/ukulelejan
  • From: West Georgia
  • Registered: 2006-10-14
  • Posts: 2,557

Re: No Sob Story.

Is that you, Lord Buckley? Man, what a story teller you are, Pete! Another one for the "book" you should be keeping, my friend and I am happy to know you carry a pad and pencil with you! It has inspired me to begin doing the same.

In reference to it not being a "song", I agree, but I hear a guitar softly strumming in the background. Would you consider adding that?

Well done, my friend!

Bill

Epiphone Les Paul Studio
Fender GDO300 Orchestral - a gift from Amy & Jim
Rogue Beatle Bass
Journal: www.wheretobud.blogspot. com

11 Reply by Peatle Jville (edited by Peatle Jville 2017-12-03 00:15:13)

  • Registered: 2015-07-31
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Re: No Sob Story.

Bill my friend great to have you back on board. I  will play my keyboard for you, I could only do one take as I got pain in my arms, hands  and shoulders and I did this quick version of Sob Story. I hope my Kiwi accent isnt to hard  to understand.
Love to you and Dondra
https://soundcloud.com/eatleville/no-sob-story

  • From: West Georgia
  • Registered: 2006-10-14
  • Posts: 2,557

Re: No Sob Story.

THIS is what I meant, Pete! Great job and your voice is really accentuated and is "let loose" when that  guitar plays softly in the background. I hope you didn't mind my suggestion, but that poem just cried out for that little bit of accompaniment in the background.

Love right back at you and Maree, my friend!

Bill

Epiphone Les Paul Studio
Fender GDO300 Orchestral - a gift from Amy & Jim
Rogue Beatle Bass
Journal: www.wheretobud.blogspot. com
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Re: No Sob Story.

Bill all your sugestion greatfully accepted. I was pleased to give it a shot.
Thank you
Pete

  • Jandle
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Re: No Sob Story.

Have you taken off sound cloud Peatle?

Laugh Lots ... Forgive Much ...  Love one another     smile
Covers and some Originals found over there    ------- >    https://soundcloud.com/ukulelejan
  • Registered: 2015-07-31
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Re: No Sob Story.

Jandle I will have another go at doing it sometime I thought it needed doing a bit better.

16 Reply by Strummerboy Bill (edited by Strummerboy Bill 2017-12-04 12:57:32)

  • From: West Georgia
  • Registered: 2006-10-14
  • Posts: 2,557

Re: No Sob Story.

Two books I am never without, Pete are:

1. The Harbrace College Handbook, by John Hodges (now in its10th edition/revision) which I would be happy to gift you, if you will pm me your address; and

2. The Elements Of Style by William Strunk and E.B. White* and Its 50th edition may be purchased at Barnes & Noble (among other online sellers) in paperback for about $7..00 USD

Although I consider them both "textbooks", the latter, instead of concentrating  on style rather than grammar. It's about 64 pages in length, but worth every word.

Don't forget to send me your name and address.

Your Friends

Bill and Dondra

*If the name E.B. White, sounds familiar to you, (it should). Mr. White also wrote Charlotte's Web and Stuart Little.

****I am NOT affiliated with ANY booksellers******

Epiphone Les Paul Studio
Fender GDO300 Orchestral - a gift from Amy & Jim
Rogue Beatle Bass
Journal: www.wheretobud.blogspot. com

17 Reply by Peatle Jville (edited by Peatle Jville 2017-12-04 19:23:13)

  • Registered: 2015-07-31
  • Posts: 2,793

Re: No Sob Story.

Bill your a genius I belong to a Library which will have both of them I will  get  those books out. I will read the both.  A few years back I tried to write a kids book and I read both Charlottes Webb and Stuart Little after it was sugested to me by another great mind like yours. I  definitely can't be defined as a man of grammer but hopefully I have a bit of style.
My formal education ended at fifteen the rest has been the University of life and from books. I also did a English  correspondence course as an adult. The tutor was always pulling me up on  the arrangement of words and phrases to create well-formed sentences. The syntax of English language I struggle with I find I can speak it better than I can write it down. I worked around and for Printing companies for Forty Five years which helped me alot.

I am privileged to have your mentoring
Thank you
Pete

  • From: West Georgia
  • Registered: 2006-10-14
  • Posts: 2,557

Re: No Sob Story.

Hi, Pete

First, it is I who is lucky to know you!

Secondly, my only function is as a door opener/suggestion maker. And those "suggestions" a very few, indeed. I can tell when you hit your "groove" almost every time you do it, so if I help at all, it's because I have heard a few "hooks" in my life.

I hope you do find the books useful, my friend, and don't let the word "College" in the title of the first one throw you off. The way to beat that is by doing something all of us  (including you)  are already doing anyway: Just ask, "What's he/she trying to tell me"?, and there you go - just use it on yourself: "What am I trying to tell my listener"?

I wish I could follow my own advice!

I look forward to reading and listening to your next work, my friend and that goes for all of you. More often than not, I'll come away with the thought. "Wow! I Wish I had written that!"

Bill

Epiphone Les Paul Studio
Fender GDO300 Orchestral - a gift from Amy & Jim
Rogue Beatle Bass
Journal: www.wheretobud.blogspot. com
  • From: Nova Scotia, Canada
  • Registered: 2013-01-20
  • Posts: 4,083

Re: No Sob Story.

Isn't it great to live in one of the few remaining countries where someone can publicly "speak their piece". Good on ya for putting this man's words in a poem, and sharing them for us all to benefit. I'm always conscious of these words of Frank Zappa, even though he was as much an intolerant bigot as anyone else:

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/71/61/3c/71613c216655f68312e1943126e62a87--quotes-about-freedom-quotes-about-life.jpg

  • Registered: 2015-07-31
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Re: No Sob Story.

That is an excellent  quote from Frank at time's he could put together clever thoughts and words.. Strange how sometimes words come into ones vocabulary I became aware of the word  Bromhidrosis.after listening to Frank Zappa  song Stinkfoot.

21 Reply by Strummerboy Bill (edited by Strummerboy Bill 2017-12-06 07:30:12)

  • From: West Georgia
  • Registered: 2006-10-14
  • Posts: 2,557

Re: No Sob Story.

While stationed in Minot, North Dakota a few other guys and I went to see Frank Zappa And The Mothers one night in the city's small auditorium.

Since there wasn't really a regulation against it, all five of us attended in our fatigues.

It was a full house and, as one might expect, it being the late 60's/early70's we airmen got roundly booed.

"Out with the Uniforms, out with the Uniforms!  Get OUT of here War, mongers!!!" were two I remember especially.

As the booing quieted, Mr. Zappa was heard to say, "Everyone in this room's in uniform. Don't kid yourself."

Bill

Epiphone Les Paul Studio
Fender GDO300 Orchestral - a gift from Amy & Jim
Rogue Beatle Bass
Journal: www.wheretobud.blogspot. com