1 Topic by Tenement Funster (edited by Tenement Funster 2016-02-29 11:27:54)

  • From: Nova Scotia, Canada
  • Registered: 2013-01-20
  • Posts: 4,083

Topic: EIGHTY FLOORS

Most of us know that true wealth isn't measured in dollars & cents, and there are many sad examples of people who never learned that essential life lesson. I recently read of two people quietly conversing during a wealthy man's funeral, when one of them asked a question of the other:

Question: "I wonder how much he left behind?"
Answer: "All of it."

EIGHTY FLOORS

Looks at those insects, 80 floors below …
He gloats with sociopathic pride.
He grunts and he growls and defiantly snorts,
There must be a tactic, there must be a way,
There must be an angle, to increase my pay,
From the pockets of those insects 80 floors below.


Look at those insects, 80 floors below …
He seethes with psychopathic hate.
He schemes and he plans and ambitiously snorts,
It's mine for the taking, they're just in the way,
It's my net worth, time to seize the day,
From the pettiness of those insects 80 floors below.


Look at those insects, 80 floors below …
He frowns with germophobic dread.
He hides and he cowers and fearfully snorts,
I can't go outside, I can't have a friend,
I might catch something, I'm alone till the end.
Horrified by those insects 80 floors below.


Look at that insect, 80 floors above …
They sigh with sympathetic calm.
All he worships has only made him blind,
He's not known love, he's not known joy,
I feel bad for him, he's truly quite poor,
So sad, so alone, 80 floors above.

2 Reply by unclejoesband (edited by unclejoesband 2016-02-27 16:23:41)

  • From: SC Pa
  • Registered: 2014-03-26
  • Posts: 1,348

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

OK. That is REALLY good.  http://www.desismileys.com/smileys/desismileys_3044.gif http://www.desismileys.com/smileys/desismileys_0172.gif

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[b]Today Is Only Yesterdays Tomorrow[/b]
  • TIGLJK
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  • Registered: 2010-05-11
  • Posts: 3,221

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

TF

That is awesome !!

So spot on it's incredible.

My wife tends to compare me to another friend ( bachelor)  that has a lot of $, goes all over, has beautiful cars.
My answer is always the same when she does,I simply say "  he doesn't have you or our daughters - I win!"

Thanks for sharing TF. Very good work!

Jim

Your vision is not limited by what your eye can see, but what your mind can imagine.
Make your life count, and the world will be a better place because you tried.

"Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except only the the best." - Henry Van Dyke
  • From: The Land Of Song
  • Registered: 2007-12-10
  • Posts: 5,704

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

this has to be one of the best poems i've seen in a very long time.

while i was reading i kept substituting "DOWN" for "BELOW" and on the last verse "HIGH" for "ABOVE". i hope you don't mind me making suggestions?

apart from that your use of words is fantastic.

Ask not what Chordie can do for you, but what you can do for Chordie.

Phill Williams's Website

  • From: Nottingham England
  • Registered: 2014-01-13
  • Posts: 621

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

Another great piece of work TF. I do think Phill makes a valid point, and I think with a simple tune it could be turned into a good Dylan style song. Thank you for sharing

Thick as two short planks
  • Registered: 2015-07-31
  • Posts: 2,793

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

I cant remember who said it but it goes something like this. There  are some people who are `so poor all they got is loads of money.

7 Reply by Tenement Funster (edited by Tenement Funster 2016-02-28 10:35:49)

  • From: Nova Scotia, Canada
  • Registered: 2013-01-20
  • Posts: 4,083

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

Phill Williams wrote:

this has to be one of the best poems i've seen in a very long time.

while i was reading i kept substituting "DOWN" for "BELOW" and on the last verse "HIGH" for "ABOVE". i hope you don't mind me making suggestions?

apart from that your use of words is fantastic.

Phill, I most certainly don't mind suggestions ... everything in life is a work in progress (like poetry) and where would any of us be without collaboration? What I had pictured for this was a wealthy executive looking out the glass windows of his 80th floor office, at the masses on the sidewalks down below, and them looking back up at him in the 4th verse. Either down/below or high/above would work. In my little brain, the words "down" and "high" suggest that everyone's inside the building, which is a slightly different perspective than what I saw when I wrote this.

Glad everyone liked it ... thanks for the kind words & suggestions! :-)

  • From: SC Pa
  • Registered: 2014-03-26
  • Posts: 1,348

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

Tenement Funster wrote:

What I had pictured for this was a wealthy executive looking out the glass windows of his 80th floor office, at the masses on the sidewalks down below, and them looking back up at him in the 4th verse.

And you conveyed it quite vividly. That is exactly the picture that formed in my mind.

With all the talk of "income inequality" that is being thrown around today in some circles, this could be a song that would resonate quite well. It is easily comparable to anything Bob Dylan wrote about the times he was living in.

I've only done it twice but I just may try to create a melody to work with this.

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[b]Today Is Only Yesterdays Tomorrow[/b]

9 Reply by Tenement Funster (edited by Tenement Funster 2016-02-29 11:29:23)

  • From: Nova Scotia, Canada
  • Registered: 2013-01-20
  • Posts: 4,083

Re: EIGHTY FLOORS

I'd be honored if you did, UJB ... and feel free to edit as needed to make the syllables work your melody. I changed a line in the last verse, to better reflect what I "on the sidewalk" feel for people like this. Many thanks!