1 (edited by StranSongs 2010-06-22 14:36:59)

Topic: Snow on the Dancefloor.

Critique it to bits if you will, folks !


Snow on the Dancefloor.

There was just a wooden floor
With the slightest spring for dancin'
There was just a low-set stage
And a glitter ball in the ceilin'.

But here was where I found the nerve.
Here was where I cast the dice
Asked you for another dance,
And looked you in those deep blue eyes.


(Chorus)
But now it's winter
Cold and dark
Even the shadows have fled
For there's snow on the dancefloor,
Pain in my heart
And an empty pillow on my bed.



Somehow we always battled
Against the storm outside.
Could hear it, sometimes see it
But never brought it to mind.

Guess it was me that broke the lock
And let the winter in
A foolish thing, regretted since
But that's how ends begin.



You said you'd never walk away
I'm sure I said the same
But finally I think we learnt
We'd both been playing games.

So I kicked out the fire doors
And we went our separate way
You went east, I went west
With no regrets we said.



So what is it that brought me back
To the ruins of this roofless  dance hall
With snow on the dance floor, one standin' wall.
What is it still makes me thrill?

It isn't the music, isn't the lights
It isn't the stars in the sky
I't's the sight of those blue eyes come back to me
And we're gonna make it this time.

"Don't play what's there, play what's not there." Miles Davis

Re: Snow on the Dancefloor.

StranS, it's a pleasure to read your writing once again, it's been a while.  The cold and dark gives a sullen sense of lost love, and the regret that goes along with it:

Guess it was me that broke the lock
And let the winter in
A foolish thing, regretted since
But that's how ends begin.

This is really beautiful; lovely, sentimental.

I almost, however, expected (wanted!) the last line to read something like: "And we'll dance there one last time".  Fine piece of writing!  -T

3 (edited by StranSongs 2010-07-04 21:15:11)

Re: Snow on the Dancefloor.

Yes, one last time would finish it, but I didn't want it finished, I wanted a new start.

Just posted the finished song.

"Don't play what's there, play what's not there." Miles Davis

Re: Snow on the Dancefloor.

Great piece Strans,

I love the warmth and coolness it conveys some have in relationships.

Strangly enough it reminded me also of our "Stardust Tragedy" we had here in a dance hall on Valentines night 1981.When 48 young people lost there lives..

Good write as always.

Old Doll.

Why Blend in with the Crowd ? When you were made to stand out !

Re: Snow on the Dancefloor.

Hi Lena,

Sad, I remember the Stardust. Couldn't ever beat Christy Moore's song on the tragedy.

It's a sin he had to stop singing the truth.

I'm from the Shankill, which will mean something to some of you - and my wife is from the Falls. The first concert we went to together was Christy Moore in Beechmount on the Falls.

"Don't play what's there, play what's not there." Miles Davis