Joke Thread (Page 2 of 10)

How do some dogs get flat noses?
Chasing parked cars.

Bwahahahaahah!!!

That one had me rolling on the floor!

=p
Dm

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.

From the Daily News comes this story of a Leicester couple who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the car park.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.

The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

Oh, yes indeed, Old Doll.  I am getting a visual on that one and laughing hard.

This is relevant, I believe.... haha

How many guitarists does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to change the bulb and nineteen to say, "Not bad, but I
could've done better".

Man, I have to laugh at that one, Zurf, because I can only imagine what twisted musical mind came up with that clever joke.  Wow.

After reading it 4 times I got it, but don't blame me cause I walk into bars regular....oooww...

If a man speaks, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the tuba recital.

Why did the chicken cross the playground???

to get to the other slide.

badeye   

Old Hobo walks into a bar and asks the bar tender
'If I show you something amazing, can I get a drink?'
'Have to be pretty special' says bar tender
'OK' says tramp and takes out of his coat a very small grand piano.
'Well, it's pretty, but not special enough for free beer' says bartender
'OK' says Hobo, and takes out a hamster, who is wearing a full bow-tie and tails.
'Wow' says bar tender, who is then further amazed as the Hamsters start a recital of beautiful piano concertos
'Now that is worth free beer' says bartender, hobo smiles.
He then produces a large toad, dressed in a huge ball-gown.
Toad begins to sing opera along with the hamster on the piano
'Now that's free beer all night'
When  the tramp is very drunk, a man comes to him and offers to buy the duo.
Hobo says that he will sell the toad for $1000, which the man promptly pays, snatches up the toad and leaves the bar.
Bartender, now stunned into amazement, says 'Are you mad!! you could have sold these two for millions, or had them performing, earning thousands of dollars a night!!'
'It's alright'  says the hobo 'It's the hamster, he's a ventriloquist'

Two pieces of string walk into a bar
Bartender tells them to get out, we don't serve string in here
Once outside one piece of string tangles himself all up,
then scuffs about the pavement getting all tatty and hairy
'What are you doing?' asks the other string, 'Going back in' is the reply
'You look familiar', says the bartender 'Ain't you that piece of string?'
String replies 'No, I'm a frayed knot'

Q;  What's brown and lays under the piano...?
  A;   Bethoven's last movement

   baad ehh?  I know..I know!! maui