Sad Country Songs Always Make Me Cry

Thanks Kenny!

Hi Jody,
The flow of your song is definitely easier to follow but there are a couple of things I have learned from reading (trying to) up on writing lyrics that I think apply to this write.

A) Try to only use your hook (in this case your title) sparingly. You don't want it to be worn out , you want it to be used as a punch line so to speak...to grab the listener.

B) In this write you are saying the same thing through out the song. You need to express your emotion of the hurt you feel without  repeating that you are hurting...the title/chorus says this. The verses should explain why you feel like that or how you got to feel like that. Set it up as a story or from a reflecting point of view with a solid beginning and ending.

Remember I'm no pro and this is just my point of view so please don't be offended.

Cheers my friend

Kenny

Hi Jody,
I'm real glad to hear that I didn't offend you I hope I don't come off as being long winded here.

Written lyrics as in any art form is subjective to the reader as each person will probably come away with something different, which is a good thing. I suppose where I was going was that your song seemed repetitious (to me). What is important is that your song feels good and right to you, no one else. You sang your song at the local open mic, (Kudos to you as there is no way I can do that) and that is awesome for the Standing O you got. You must have written a good song for that to happen.
Whiskey River and Ring of Fire were written after Willie and Johnny had made a name for themselves so they being stars were allowed to break the rules of songwriting(in my opinion) also both songs have great melodies.As a metaphor look at it like learning to drive a car. To get your license you better drive with the instructor with your hands at 10 and 2 oclock and obey all the laws or you'll fail. Once you pass, put your hands where you want them and break a rule or two, it doesn't matter cause you've passed. Same with writing, but again that is just my point of view.
In today's world if your song doesn't have structure, a great hook and melody and music to go with it, it'll never get in the door, in my opinion.
Since joining Chordie I have been lurking and posting on some other boards just to see and to learn about the craft of writing. I have had a lot of my lyrics picked right apart and have been told many times that I can't write. That's OK by me cause it is subjective and that is their point of view. I write for me. But I have learned what I can and in my eyes I am a better writer which is my goal. Am I gonna make money off this...not likely but that's OK I never thought I would.
Anywho that is my take on any writing so please don't take my ramblings any way, but in the spirit of friendship.

Cheers

Kenny

Hi Jody,
Critiquing other peoples writes is not an easy thing for me to do as my anxiety levels skyrocket so I will point out to you what I see and leave that for you to decide if it should be fixed or left alone.

The first thing you have to do Jody is to learn to write for yourself and nobody else. It is your heart and soul going into your song, your words so they should have the most meaning to you.
When I talk about structure being uniform it is two ways, one with syllables and two with rhyme.
Rhyme
For a four line verse as an example, AABB the first two lines rhyme with each other as do the last two. There is also ABAB The first line rhymes with the 3rd line , the second with the 4th. You can go AAAAA. It is OK but then sounds very repetitious. The trick is to be uniform through the song so when someone is reading it, it reads uniformly. What you do in the first verse should be the same in the second verse and so on. It should be different in the chorus as that is where your hook should be and you don't want it reading the same as the verse. It should be diffrerent to catch the readers attention. The same goes for the bridge in relationship to the chorus and verse.
Next is syllables. da da..da da da.....da da Your syllable structure should be uniform throughout. Count out your syllables with the lines in your song to make sure it is as uniform as possible. Again verse different from chorus and bridge. The chorus and bridge must follow the same guide lines.
It's important to remember Jody that these are things I have picked up along the way. It doesn't mean they are right as all songs break the rules somewhere.

The second verse is much better story wise as now we know a little more about your character. Do you think the reader would like to know if Bill was a coke dealer or a cheap car salesman, or maybe a politician...or a golfer? That is what I mean by story line Jody I'm sure you could write some dirt about this guy not just mention his name. That is what makes the song interesting to reader/listener. We know you are sad...we just want to know the dirt. If not dirt about the guy then what about the girlfriend/wife. Dirt???? lots of stories. Real sweet gal??? lots of stories of what it is about her you miss and WHY. The way she looked in the morning? the way she rubbed her nose? the way she cared other peoples feelings? Give us a story and you will keep the reader/listener glued to you

Your tittle is good but again that is subjective to the listener/reader. You can still have a hook that is not the title. The hook is the line that grabs your attention to the song, usually found in the chorus but...not necessarily.
The melody my friend is your call. As the lyrics are part of your soul, so is the melody.
The length of the song is subject to the story line (in my opinion) The longer the song the better the story line must be to keep the listeners attention.

Last is the "Forced Rhyme".This is where you take a word and it doesn't really rhyme with its counterpart in the ABAB scheme of things but when you sing it you can sing and force the rhyme to make it fit.
In the song, "Take the Money and Run," Steve Miller rhymed "Texas" with the words "facts is." That's a pretty wide stretch. But it didn't sound bad because it helped tell the story. When reading, it sounds off but, because you know the melody it sounds OK cause you force it to fit. Don't use to many forced rhyme as again it is all about being uniform and it's only when your stuck for a rhyme or are being clever in the song.

I hope these tips can help you out to get where you want to be with writing Jody
I'll check back later on your song but this type has been over an hour and I gotta eat.
Thank God for spell check cause you wouldn't be able to read this other wise.

Cheers
Ken

P.S. I know you didn't mean it but I'm not criticizing your write but critiquing it...huge difference.

I agree.