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Try playing something like The Jam's "That's Entertainment"
You've got to feel the rhythm of the song to play it properly. You don't want to sound like a robot.

Why do you want to play 2 chord songs ?

If you struggle with barre chords eg F & B just learn, for starters, G C D Em (which is a I, IV, V, VI progression in the major key of G) you'll then be able to play loads of songs.

Continue to practice your barre chords and all of the other chords in the major keys (then later the minor keys) but in the mean time continue learning songs in the key of G to keep your interest going.

Isn't the Supreme the one with the hollowed out body making it lighter than the "normal" Les Paul ?
I know my Custom weighs a ton compared to, say, a Strat

Demand your money back.
This worked for me:-

Mr Slaiter,

As you have not replied to my emails nor refunded my payment under your 100% full satisfaction money back guarantee you leave me no alternative to taking legal action.

Please reply to this email within seven days or I will be forced to take the following action:

Report you to the Trading Standards Office

Apply to the Small Claims Court for a full refund + costs

Please note that even for such a small amount I am willing to take this to court.

THIS IS MY FINAL EMAIL REQUESTING A FULL REFUND.

IF I DO NOT RECEIVE A REPLY WITHIN SEVEN DAYS I WILL COMMENCE PROCEEDINGS AGAINST YOU WITHOUT FURTHER COMMUNICATION.

Regards,

REPLY FROM FRET2FRET THE FOLLOWING DAY

Hi, I will process your refund now for you. I had no idea all your emails were in the spam bin!
Regards
Mike

Can't help you mate but I don't blame you for wanting to find out more about it.

A friend of mine was left an old guitar by his deceased uncle and he was just about to sell it for a few quid to help pay for his car repair when someone pointed out that it was a 1959 Martin worth about £4000.

I'm not saying that you might have struck gold, but it never hurts to find out a bit more regardless of how well it plays.

It sounds wrong because it is.
Move your 2 to 1 and you've got a Bb (A#) or move your 3 to 4 and you've got B.

On a barre chord just think if your finger as the nut.
The open "A" chord is played on the second fret therefore move the shape up one fret to get Bb (A#) and barre the first fret, your barring finger becomes the equivalent of the nut.
Move the whole shape up another fret to get to "B"

Almost right

For starters practice the I IV V progression and include the relative minor vi chord for each Major key

A  D  E  F#m
B  E  F#  G#m
C  F  G  Am
D  G  A  Bm
E  A  B  C#m
F  Bb  C  Dm
G  C  D  Em

I find it very difficult to follow transcribed strumming patterns.

I've tried playing along with this video and the strumming pattern is very simple.

Try playing mainly down strokes and add in an up down up at the chord change. It doesn't have to be exactly the same as her but you must get the rhythm right.

When you get the above bit sounding good and you start to "feel" the rhythm add few up downs yourself where it feels right.

Nothing is carved in stone, just listen and practice. Don't try too hard to copy because this will make you stiffen up.

Get into the rhythm, relax and play.

I agree, unless you're playing arpeggio who can tell.
Finger 024440 as best you can and aim to strum only the 2444 muting the bottom E with the forefinger (the one fingering 2).
Does this make sense ? I know what I mean but I might have explained it poorly.

Sounds like you need to join/form a band.

It appears that you have the tenacity and ability to play the guitar well and are ready to take it to the band.

Can't honestly say that a discussion group is going to help judging by your current advanced standard.

Get that band together dude and rock the tits off that axe.

I've got a 700 Acoustic. Nice enough guitar but I don't play it much preferring to play my Taylor or Yamaha Acoustic 6 strings or my 12 string.
I initially bought the Variax for it's 12 string emulation which is very good but since then I've bought a Tanglewood 12 string which I find just as east to play.
The neck isn't bad but a little bit thicker than my other acoustics.
I haven't tried the electric Variax but I shouldn't imagine they'd be anywhere as good as a Les Paul, Telecaster or Strat for feel if the acoustic version is anything to go by.
I've also got a Line 6 Spider III amp which is awesome for it's size, 75W, and it's price, under £200.

There you go, there's always something to learn.