1 Reply by motomad

(43 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

I took my son into the city to buy him a new football..back at the bus terminal he happily bounced his new football..whilst sat waiting for the bus a lady sat next to me on the seat..you couldn't help but notice that she had the best beard i've ever seen in my life, Grizzle Adams himself would have been proud to have cultivated such a growth of facial hair..My son immediately took an interest in this strange site and stood starring at the spectacle ..This is the point in time i start thinking 'any second now he is going to turn to me and say something' so rather than embarrass myself the lady and all the other waiting passengers i thought i would try and kill the moment and blurted out....SON STOP FUSSING AND GO PLAY WITH YOUR.....BEARD.....( i of course meant to say ball)

EVER FELT LIKE DIGGING A HOLE AND BURYING YOUR HEAD IN IT?   I DID ...

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

2 Reply by motomad

(54 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

A vicar is walking down a street in Londons red light area, a prostitute approaches him and says 'hello father fancy a quickie? it's only £10'  A bit puzzled the vicar makes the sign of the cross and says 'bless you my child'. A little further on another prostitute approaches him 'Hello father, fancy a quickie? its special offer today just £10' ...Again the vicar makes the sign of the cross Bless you my child'...

Soon after he makes it to his destination,' The Catholic School for Girls ' which is run by the nuns from the nearby convent..During afternoon tea with the Mother Superior, and still feeling puzzled by that mornings walk down the high street he asks ' Mother superior   what's a quickie? .........she replies....£10  THE SAME AS THEY CHARGE IN TOWN !

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

3 Reply by motomad

(55 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Take the plastic cover off a new dvd case

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

4 Topic by motomad

(55 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Sew a button on a fart

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

5 Reply by motomad

(18 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

mhebert wrote:

Press 6 repeatedly if you are obsessive compulsive!

i did press 6 and got through to the kebab house

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

6 Reply by motomad

(18 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

My Internet went down so i phoned the helpline, it went something like this..ring ring....welcome to the help center please select a number so we can deal with your query...

press 1 if you are a new customer

press 2 if you are thinking of leaving us

press 3 if you would like to pay your bill

press 4 if you would like to upgrade your services

press 5 if you would like to recomend a friend.....

so i pressed 1 thinking i would get answered more quickly...hello....hello my Internet is down ...you've pressed the wrong number...what number is the one for Internet being down?... there is no number...well can you help me...no!...

so thinking id made a wrong selection i phoned again..this time i selected 5......hello..hello my Internet is down...oh its you again...yeh its me...have you tried turning your modem off and then back on...yeh i tried that...did it work?....mate would i be pressing all these numbers if it had worked?....i don't know what else to suggest im the only one in the office and i just answer the phone......... i give up!

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

7 Reply by motomad

(4 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Thanks for the advice...

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

8 Topic by motomad

(4 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Ive just replaced all 6 strings on my electric guitar.Played individually they sound great, but while strumming im getting what i can only describe as a buzz off the strings..IVE PUT MY FINGERS NEARER THE FRET BARS, BUT IT DOESNT SEEM TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE..The new strings are Ernie ball light custom gauge nickel wound...can anyone advice me please....

despaired ! ian

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

9 Reply by motomad

(29 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

I must admit ive never heard of Jim Croce's, but ive made a note...I just manged to get a copy of the eagles ,Hotel California..a live acoustic version just over 7 minutes long..If there was ever a song to inspire me to better myself on guitar....here  it is..if you would like a copy of it (mp3 bitrate 128) add me to msn and il send it down the wire......motomad63@hotmail.com

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

10 Reply by motomad

(13 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

oh i see how now

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

11 Reply by motomad

(13 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

ken..how do you quote someones post as you have done with mine above?

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

12 Topic by motomad

(18 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

1.buttered toast  when dropped usually lands butter side down

2.you break your big toe,on the way to the hospital someone stands on it

3.you have the house to yourself,set your guitar and amp up, then your grandmother comes to visit

3.you get in the shower and the telephone rings

4.you sit down to watch a film on tv,then realize you read the day before's tv listings and its not on

5.you order some food,wait 2 hours for it to arrive,open it to find you've got someone else's. order

6.you always stall the car at traffic lights when they turn green

7.slam your front door then realize your keys are locked in the house

8.reach across a pub table to shake someones hand and knock their drink all over them

9.you spend 30 minutes trying to iron the creases out of a shirt then realize the iron is not on

10.you try to think of 10 'law of the sods' and can only do 9

CAN YOU ADD TO THIS LIST?

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

13 Reply by motomad

(15 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Last rebel...ive got more chance of attracting flies( or is it flys) than women..i hope i havnt left it too late in life to learn guitar.

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

14 Reply by motomad

(15 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

ahh the alarm...so you will be 'marching on' ..in a 'blaze of glory'..'down the river' but keep your 'strength' ..al v..'coz love dont come easy'.......... now im praying they were by the alarm so i dont look a total numpty

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

15 Reply by motomad

(13 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Theres a guy who works in our chip shop who swears he's elvis

ian

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

16 Reply by motomad

(15 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Hi David,we got my friend a blow up sheep on his stag night..by 1 am we had lost my friend in a nightclub and decided to go for a curry..At the curry house was my friend and the sheep both sat enjoying a candle lit curry..who says romance is dead

ian

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

17 Reply by motomad

(15 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

cheers James for your welcome....HI ken my celtic brother,i'l have a look at those babies when i come up to  Scotland next year for the rugby..i quess by then they will be big enough for a slap up meal

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner

18 Topic by motomad

(15 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Just wanted to say HI! to everyone from the land of sheep.I must be honest though and say that ive never kissed a sheep,well not one that hasn't got lipstick on...Ive been playing electric guitar for about 6 months now and apart from those moments when you feel like packing it all in to start stamp collecting instead and that urge to throw the guitar and amp over the nearest hedge, things are starting to come together... now wheres my stamp book?

Go to forum: Chordie's Chat Corner