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I'd take a Taylor over a Martin every time.

An easier way is to memorize the chord shapes, and where the roots are under your fingers.   This will give you "waypoints" along the neck to use as a reference.

Only when I'm in Dusty Strings.  Everything in there costs more than my car.

The fact that you've got enough chops to poke about on a bass with no frets makes you more man than most.

I keep telling myself "someday..." but then I chicken out.

Volume and talent can work wonders.

They'll tell you that the glue is stronger than the wood, but ouch!

I just got me a new 12 string, too, and I think I'd cry if I saw that.

That works really well to the tune of "Three Little Birds" as rendered by Bob Marley.

Seriously!

Have you thought about getting decent modeling amp, rather than another pedal?  Might save you some dollars in the long run, as you won't have to get another stomp box for that new sound you want.

I think we are doing Butch a disservice here.  Lets get him set up right.

Butch, the proper solution to your many desires isn't one guitar that does lots of things, it's *lots of guitars.*

Some day, you will understand this, embrace the GAS, and be a better man for it.   

The Dot is Epiphone's ES-335 clone.  They can be had new for about $300, and sound fantastic.

This, a thousand times over.   There are a lot of places that offer up courses geared towards these certifications.  Find one. Price it up.  Take it to your employer and tell them to cut you an invoice.  If they aren't willing to do that, then they aren't serious about ensuring you actually have the skills that the certification implies.

"Go read a book" is a terrible training program.   Would you fly on a plane if thats how they trained pilots?

Fender tubes are delicious.