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Kid next door came over and announced, " I have a guitar." I told him to go get it. He returned with a Wal-Mart special First Act cardboard p.o.s. guitar shaped object. I restrung it for him with some of my less-rusted backup strings, tuned it up and sent him home to play it for mom and dad.
His parents later told me he broke it over his sister's head. A fitting end for a tool that could never satisfy. A proper guitar might have killed the poor girl.
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My humor tends to slapstick but the great Stephen Wright is the king of deadpan:

http://www.freemaninstitute.com/Wright.htm

Here is a Steven Wright video including a deadpan song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAmEu0Jd … p;index=13

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I bought my mid - 70's Yamaha FG350W at a pawn shop for my best buddy. He brought me along to help him pick out a nice guitar. Our local luthier did a great job setting it up. He played it until he passed away and left it to me in his will. I will never sell it but will leave it for my grandson when I take my own celestial dirt nap.
I installed an under-the -bridge pickup that sounded mighty fine until many sailing voyages in salt air did in the pickup. I played that guitar in New Zealand, Greece, Scotland and Ireland and have yet to hear one with a fuller sound.
I was gigging in a local bar with that old Yamaha when a guy asked me to perform with his new Martin. The Martin was heavy and had one string that rang out louder than the others. After one set I handed the Martin back to him - glad to go back to my Yamaha. He was surprised and somewhat offended. Tough toenails, mine was lighter, played easier and sounded better.
The FG350W is not an expensive guitar but it is a large body dreadnought with a nice neck and a flower inlay on the pick guard. It's big sound is hard to beat and it still looks great after all these years. I haven't repaired the pickup because I use a 1960 Gibson ES330 for electric gigs.
Played a house concert last Saturday. Rain forced all of us onto a covered patio. I brought my Gibson, small P.A., and was dying to show off my new harmonizer pedal - but that would have been overkill. I thought to bring the old Yammie and a comfortable stool and that was plenty for that gig.
I booked a Christmas party gig with the lady next door. 8)

Top pros never bring music or notes onstage. If they don't know it, they don't play it.
I'm not a top pro but I have friends who, in my opinion, are. If I get onstage with them, I stick to tunes I know.                                              My fat book contains 400 plus tunes and I need it if I have to play more than the 50 or so tunes I remember well enough. I love to have access to all those tunes if I need to play requests and play a long evening alone. However, messing with a book can be frustrating and time consuming. Staring into a book instead of eyeballing the audience is unprofessional.
What if it is too dark to read or, heaven forbid, the book gets rained on?

My 1960 Gibson looks bad enough. These days, with the onset of geezerhood, I now look like 50 miles of bad road.
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Here is a demo video for the TC Helicon G XT:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbF9DPsU6Qs&NR=1

My buddy John Reno got his yesterday. We have an idea to use both of us singing three part harmony - one of us doing oo's and ah's and the other doing the lyrics. We might just sound like the dad gum Eagles.
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Tuba player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."

Had a request for a Bob Dylan song at my gig last Thursday. I believe "Lay Lady Lay" was the song that jumpstarted Dylan's career. I learned it when it first came out. Still remember it well.
Here's a vid that shows the chords in "A".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n2aYUaxPCY

Everyone has tunes that they are sick of playing. Just remember a new audience may be hearing you play it for the first time.
Stars with well known hits may feel that way but they are truly glad thier fans really want to hear those the most.
I purge songs that I hate and the crowd could care less about.

It helps to start out with simpler tried and true songs that you know best until your nerves settle down. After that try, to observe the crowd and see what tunes they enjoy the most. If you're not playing an instrument you can afford to focus outward. It helps to comunicate if you can take your mind off of yourself and project your sound to someone in the back of the room.  If the crowd feels like they are a big part of your show, the positive feedback can be huge and give you mucho energy.