Search options (Page 34 of 71)

A friend built a new wooden boat out of juniper wood (planks). It smells great from my boat slip next door. However, going inside his boat to sleep is unpleasant because the wood smell is overpowering. Sailing his boat is tolerable when topside. He hopes time and the  weather will lessen the odor.
My antique plywood and mahogany sailboat always smelled great inside and out. Fresh varnish added to the ambience.

As written by Toby Keith and Scotty Emerick:
" In a fetal position with drool on my chin, I broke down and smoked weed with Willie again."

Happy Thanksgiving ya'll.
I ate too much at noon, took a nice nap and then awoke to see my New Orleans Saints edge the Cowboys in a nail biter. I was the only Saints fan in a room full of people wearing Cowboy's jerseys.
I am prepared to forgive them for all the bad things they said to me and for all the mean and evil thoughts they must have had.
toots

I googled it and found the lyrics at:

http://www.musicsonglyrics.com/D/donhen … lyrics.htm

Marty Robbins was my dad's favorite country singer. Mine too!
His music and singing style was decades ahead of his time. He was so sophisticated and smooth and managed to win over the country music lovers of his time.

Both my guitars are antiques and so am I.
My tuba is a year older than I am. Like me, it is too heavy, beat up, dented and no longer a thing of beauty.
I love my instruments and will never part with them. My grandson will have to decide what to do about them.

My wife and I were married in 1964. Her sister from South Carolina wanted to see the Beatles concert in New Orleans that year. We drove 150 miles to New Orleans to buy tickets. The next week, the three of us went to the Beatles concert.
The concert was at Tulane University football stadium. Every seat in the place was taken.
The Beatles were in the end zone. The bleachers were packed. There had to be 300 policemen on the playing field arranged in three lines - one near the bleachers, another line of cops at about the 50 yard line and a third line of cops near the stage. We could hear the beatles fine but could barely see them all the way back in the end zone.
About five songs into the performance, this fat girl hidden in some bushes behind the stage, rushed the rear of the stage. She made it up onto the stage and just managed to make it up the ladder to the drum riser and grab Ringo Starr's ankle when the cops tackled her and dragged her off.
This incited the audience. All at once, thousands of fans climbed over the barrier fence, jumped down onto the field and rushed the stage. The first line of police were knocked over like ten pins. Then the mob bowled over the second line of cops and flowed right up to the edge of the stage like a huge human wave. The third line of cops held - keeping the crowd off the stage but nobody was going back up to the bleachers . They stood their ground and watched the rest of the concert up close.
I marveled that the Beatles watched this human wave running at them and never missed a beat. There was a semi-truck backed up to the stage with the door open. They could have run in there and pulled the door down to avoid being trampled,
but the band stayed put and kept playing without missing a note. The concert proceeded and a good time was had by all.

Best of luck acquiring your HD28 Pete.
What are you playing now?
debrap, proud you like your guitar.
You know now that a good axe pays you to use it.

I have been hanging out with you guys for years now, on this forum. I feel comfortable with you and enjoy your music, comments and company. Been hoping for an opportunity to pick and grin and to hoist a beer or twelve with some of you.
This is gonna be cool.
toots

I can't find my perfect job:
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried being a tailor, but wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew sew job.
Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then, tried being a chef - figuring it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
Next I attempted being a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was as a musician but the band eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to be a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
I became a professional fisherman but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
Managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenence company, but the work was just too draining.
Went to work at a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding.
Lady asks, "Is there a problem, officer?"
Officer, "Ma'am you were speeding."
Lady replies, "Oh, I see."
Officer, "Can I see your license, please?"
Lady, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
Officer, "Don't have one?"
Lady, "Lost it four years ago for drunk driving."
Officer, "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?"
Lady, "I can't do that."
Officer, " Why not?"
Woman, " I stole this car."
Officer, "Stole it?"
Lady, "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner."
Officer, "You what?"
Lady, "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.
Within minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2, "Madam, could you step out of your vechicle please?" The woman steps out of her vechicle.
Lady, "Is there a problem, sir?"
Officer 2, "One of my officers told me you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
Lady, "Murdered the owner?"
Officer 2, "Yes, would you please open the trunk of your car, please?"
The lady opens the trunk revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2,"Is this your car, ma'am?"
Lady, "Yes, here are the registration papers."
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2, "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The lady digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse abd hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2, "Thank you, ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."
Lady, "I'll bet that liar told you I was speeding too."