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Can i play Mother here. and chastise you.
RFA Colin, The F word is soooooooooooooooooooooo not allowed on this site.
Please delete.

Old Doll.

G S E,

you should be writing in the poem section, you painted a very funny image  here.

Sorry lads, i need to give a recipe here.

Mekidsmom, a couple of teaspoons of apricot kernal oil added to some warmed manuka honey makes a perfect mask and cleanser.
Leaves the skin feeling soft and supple.
always test patch first.

Old Doll.

Pocket tazer Gun Gift.
Have a  good ole laugh all you ill people. This surely made me near bust myself.

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the Missus. A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Gun Shop that sparked my interest..
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt,
pocket/purse- sized tazer.
The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a
metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA
batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head sloped to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE
...!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet both nipples on fire, My testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently sh*te my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.s... My Missus can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

Thanks buvvy,

We learn something new everyday. I never knew that expression.

I hope you and yours have a blessed day.

Old Doll.

I feel we all have unfortunate dramas in life.

A soliders life is more then admirable. But it  must supress  his true emotions for daily living.
Is there creativity in war and killing ? I've yet to find it !
This  piece consolidates my feelings on this matter. The war mongers should be reading this buvvy.
Its soooooooo good.

Old Doll.

Hi All,

Ive been away for the last few days  with friends in Liverpool, home of the beatles. I have been before, its a great place to visit. This time i also had another bonus. I met for the first time a person i met through chordie. Roger Guppy a moderator here, introduced me through Chordie to his ex wife Sue. We became great cyber friends. So, As Sue lives near liverpool i i asked to meet her if possible. Her husband kindly drove her down to meet up with me. It was emotional and lovely. Sue has a serious lung disease and is awaiting a lung transplant. Her courage to make the journey to meet me is just a smidgeon of the strength this woman and our relationship has. She is a darling woman, full of fun despite all her ill health. I ask for global support in prayer  and positive thinking for Sue to soon have her transplant.
To Paul her husband, You are a fine gentleman sir, it was  indeed a pleasure to meet you also.

I hope this  photo link works, as i dont know how to apply it properly

http://picasaweb.google.com/lena.odonov … directlink

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDlCcGBtGd0

Old Doll

!5 minutes !!
Holy moley. I have stuff here not finished after years
Your a pro.
Yes, you are right Buvvy. if i was to write my experiences of that nature here, they would  send the white coats around to take me to lala land

Thank you for sharing yours.

Old Doll.

I guess a home where there is no children, so no competition !

i do feel sorry for the poor animal, but i  had a beautiful dog put down some years ago now. Broke my heart to do so. He started snapping at children when my brother brought his new baby twins to visit my home. Every child after that he growled at. I brought him everywhere to see could i fix this  problem with him. It wasn't to be .I loved him but couldn't trust him.
Mekidsmom, a dog that size could take the hand off a child. The dog obviously has been very badly treated. The previous owners of same need behavioural classes too.

Old Doll.

Hello My lilwing,

Please  send Chichi to me . remember to put " HANDLE WITH CARE"
She is  an adorable wee creature.

Hugs from the Emerald.

Old Doll.

Amen,

I wasnt in a building site but , i did get a guy last year to do some work for me.  an absolute disgrace his work was. He came highly recommended.! [ Thats a laugh, as he couldn't kick snow off a rope.] I ripped  all  out and had it redone.
I question skilled workers pride now in there chosen field. At 160 euro a day i expected the best. The recession now in the building trade here will be payback  time for this cowboy .
Or Phill Williams with his revenge gun

Great writing as always, I get the gist of the whole piece.

Old Doll.

Normandy chicken.

Ingredients
75g butter
8 skinless chicken thighs
6 shallots, halved
4 celery sticks, chopped
300ml apple juice (or cider)
300ml good-quality fresh chicken stock, hot
200ml crème fraîche
4 eating apples, such as Cox’s or Braeburn, cored and cut into wedges
3 tbsp chopped fresh chives, to serve
Method
1. Heat 50g butter in a roasting tin on the hob and brown the chicken thighs all over, turning as needed. Add the shallots and celery and cook for a few minutes. Pour over the apple juice and stock and season to taste. Bring to the boil, then cover tightly with foil and cook for 20 minutes, or until the juices run clear when the chicken is pierced. Stir in the crème fraîche and bring just to the boil, then simmer for 1 minute.
2. Heat the rest of the butter in a large frying pan over a medium heat. Add the apple wedges and fry for 5 minutes until lightly coloured. Stir the apples into the chicken. Sprinkle with some chopped chives and serve. This is great with French beans, broccoli and mashed potato.

Simple but gorgeous.

Old Doll.