I agree 100%!!!

A friend at work has a Harley and my friend has a BMW GSR1200, One has a motorbike, one has a Harley, ridiculous.
Another mate of mine has a Martin, I have a Les Paul. Immediately he turns around and says "they're shit, nowhere near as good as a Martin", I asked what model, he didn't reply. I thought, christ I could have said Gibson, Fender, Jackson, Epiphone or PRS and left it vague as hell but in my opinion, you can tell a charlatan from a true guitar nut by how they talk about their guitars.

If people ask me about my guitars I don't bother mentioning brands or models. I say, its something I can't live without and every day I don't play it is a day lost. Or something along those lines. Its amazing that a friend of mine has almost no connection with his guitar, has a lovely 59 Les Paul, but doesn't care. I talk about playing my guitar almost all the time when not talking about beer, sports and women (not necessarily in that order) and if it wasn't for a job and a woman kinda disrupting my playing time, coupled with the lack of an ability to stay awake without going insane, then i'd play my guitar all the time

52

(2 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Cheers mate, im not down at all, i'm seeing someone else now it just hit me seeing her for the first time like "Jesus, how good does she look?!" One of those weird reactions only a man can have to a woman he used to love, now if i was more talented with the guitar i'd try to make a song out of this but i'm not yet. So this experience is getting added to my list of things i'd like to write a song about for when i'm a little better lol

When you see your Ex girlfriend for the first time in months since you split up and she's looking hot as hell!!

Just saw my ex girlfriend earlier today when I went to the pub with my friend and my jaw dropped, now that is annoying lol

Hello all, long time no post. I've got something of a problem with the old geetar...well...not the old one, the new one. My Epi Les Paul has been working fine until I came home late from work a couple of days ago, plugged her in as I had had the Riverboat Song by Ocean Colour Scene in my head all day and a number of strange things happened. Firstly, when I turned on my Orange Crush 30R Amp it made a highly unusual...well...popping sound, which I put down to nothing more than a power surge. Next I plugged in my cable which again emitted a slightly larger than normal feedback which I this time put down to my lethargy as a result of working a 14 hour shift. Then I plugged in the guitar, I went to play it and Lo-and-Behold, no sound! I meddled with the volume knobs and pickup selections...still no sound. Worrying! Then I had a stroke of near genius and remembered I had an adapter to plug my guitar into my PC in order to record some of my idea's as I happen to have a memory comparible to a goldfish. Plugged it in, turned the mic port on, no sound. Now I THINK that the problem is with the lead rather than the guitar, there is no obvious damage to the lead however that means nothing I do know. I don't believe its a problem with the amp as it was kicking out ridiculous amounts of static noise when I put the volume past 3. The only other thing I see yet hope it isn't is the Jack Port on my guitar, I've heard about the solder coming away from the wires underneath, however I think the wee temptress is under warranty still and as such i'm not going to delve into the belly of the beast like a bull in a china shop!

Has anyone ever had this issue before? Any response (non-sarcastic of course tongue) is greatly appreciated as I am still new to this whole game and a little background knowledge is always great. Thank you all, Wibble

Currently working on lots of songs, I have a sort of wish list of songs i'm learning at the same time so as not to get too frustrated with any one song when I can't nail something:

Jessica - Allman Brothers Band
Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynrd ( Been working on it for like 6 months though, too much to remember)
Sweet Dreams - Marilyn Manson
She's got the Jack - AC/DC
Between Angels and Insects - Papa Roach
My Hero - Foo Fighters
Knights of Cydonia - Muse
Dakota - Stereophonics
My Michelle - Guns n Roses
Almost Easy - Avenged Sevenfold

Keeps my brain engaged to learn lots at once, god knows how because it should really by most peoples ways of learning I should be taking on too much at once but I can't put the guitar down at the moment. Helps that they are all songs I know and love I suppose

56

(51 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Well I have a few guilty pleasures in the form of individual songs rather than certain bands/artists.

For example, I love playing the A-Team theme tune and other songs such as (the list will follow):-

Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson/Soft Cell
Sweet Dreams - Again Marilyn Manson/Annie Lennox
Duke Nukem: Time to Kill Theme Tune - Megadeath surprisingly enough
Mission Impossible Theme Tune - various
Knights of Cydonia - Muse
Dude looks like a lady - Aerosmith
and...
Bon Jovi - Living on a Prayer....i know, shoot me now

Southpaw to be honest about Laura (The guitar, not the woman) she's a bit old and knackered now, had her a while and she's battered and bruised to hell (so was the missus de-dum tsch :-D thats just a joke) and she rarely got played in the months preceding said incident with the missus as I had gone through that inevitable guitar lull that everyone has at some point where they simply stop playing. I was saving to buy a new one anyway so it just gave me the extra push and motivation i needed to start playing again.

The guitar will always have a special place to me but like a fine wine I think its best locked away, only to be sampled again on a special occassion.

Now i'm after a new breed though, a Schecter Diamond series big_smile

I have an Epiphone Les Paul Std is a female I call Jessica
I have a Vintage SG which is called Lauren
I have my first guitar which is a Washburn Les Paul Goldtop is a female I call Laura (which never gets played now)
And I have a Bell & Head Extreme Headless guitar I call Robyn

All named after the girlfriend I was with at the time of buying them lol.

Laura is hidden away in a gig bag in a cupboard though because the particular girlfriend it was named after cheated on me, can't even stand to look at that guitar now lol. Hence me buying the Epi Les Paul about 3 weeks after leaving her.

59

(0 replies, posted in Songwriting)

Hello all, i'm a relatively new guitar player (Picked mine up only a year ago) and i've never taken any lessons or anything. Completely self taught but i've been thinking of different silly little riffs here and there and wrote down one in particular i liked the sound of one. Problem is, my ear not being trained or anything i'm not sure where to take it from where it is so i thought i'd throw it open to you good people to suggest the next direction.

Now personally I see this little riff more as a Verse section, what i'm needing is a suggestion for Pre-chorus or chorus.


Key
-------------

* = Palm mute
/// = Let note ring

e|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
G|---------------------------2--2-2--2--2-2--2--2--2--2-2--2--2-2--2--2---------------
D|--2--2-2--2--2-2--2--2--4--4-4--4--4-4--4--4--2--2-2--2--2-2--2--2--2///-2-2///
A|--2--2-2--2--2-2--2--2--4--4-4--4--4-4--4--4--0--0-0--0--0-0--0--0--2///-2-2///
E|--0--0-0--0--0-0--0--0----------------------------------------------------0///-0-0///
          * *       * *       *       * *       * *       *      * *        * *      *          *

Any suggestions would be welcome, its getting on my nerves i've had it written on a sheet of paper for the last 8 weeks and gone nowhere with it.

Currently i'm playing through an Epiphone Les Paul Std on the Treble Pickup.

Amp is an Orange Crush 30R and the settings are:

Reverb - 3
Bass - 7
Mid - 5
Treble - 8
Overdrive - 9
Gain - 6

In case anyone is wondering what its sounding like to myself. There's no pedals or pre-amp effects at present though. The overdrive and Gain are built in so any suggestions of anything that may improve the sound let me know too.


Cheers everyone who replies.

Wibble

60

(7 replies, posted in Electric)

cheers, i've already switched my pickups and used various different stomp boxes and distortion pedals as well as tweaking with the tone knobs. Just getting a little 'used to' the sounds of the les paul and sg now, need something to "shock the system" ya know?? lol

Hence me thinking that a change to the guitar design and style might reignite the guitar fire within me. Schecter only sprung to mind as i've heard good things recently and its a bit more "hardcore" than guitars i've gone for in the past.

The other guitars I was thinking about (in a non-sexual way....ok maybe slightly sexual!) were the PRS Custom 22, Jackson Randy Rhoads, Peavey Rotor Ex, Dean Razorback, ESP Ltd Alexi 200 BK and i've recently seen an Epiphone Flying V Korona 1958 which is looking a little tasty to me. Too many choices and not enough money to spunk on them all sad

If i was a bass guitar player this would be so much easier, buy the one fooking flea plays for RHCP!!

61

(7 replies, posted in Electric)

Anyone have any opinions on Schechter guitars?

I've heard good things recently on the grapevine and noticed recently that the guys from Avenged Sevenfold are now using them. Half tempted to invest as i'm after something new, getting sick of the same tone over and over from my Les Paul and SG so i'm after something a bit different.

Any input is appreciated

62

(74 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Well my friends and fellow Axe wielders, I am from a little country called England, I live north of the Watford Gap so most people in London would think I am Scottish, most people in Scotland would simply think i'm a tw*t lol, I live in a miserable little town called Middlesbrough from Sunday - Friday, and then on a Saturday it stops being miserable with the introduction of football (soccer) and alcohol and strangely enough its a marvellous place to live...until I wake up on sunday morning with the mother of all hangovers and my guitar still slung over my neck and a horrible recording on my pc of some random music i decided to do whilst drunk.

Wibble!

I think there should be a British Olympic football team but ONLY AMATEURS, no professionals. Would really bring the amateur game through in Britain and find young talent for all the home nations. As long as we placed an age limitation on it say, 21 years old maximum and reopened the old academy (or founded a new one) at Lilleshall then all of the home nations could bring talent through and stop the influx of foreigners into the british game. Now I know Brazil, Cameroon, Argentina etc put pro's into their teams but if the olympic comittee just changed the rules then it would be great. I can remember seeing Carlos Tevez, Lionel Messi and Javier Saviola play in the last one and just thinking it was really unfair. If you put a Conference North/South limitation on the level of footballer, coupled with the age limit (also change the limitation on leagues to reflect Wales, Scotland and Northern Irelands individual set-ups) A bit far-fetched I know but would be interesting to see, in rugby league the team is GB so why not have a team GB football team and use it as a talent finder??

I have a game for you all but its only really relevant if you live in the UK. I'm a huge football fan as well as being a guitar fanatic and i've found a game to play. The Jeff Stelling Gilette Soccer Saturday Super Special Drinking Game!!

All you need is:-

Lots of varying alcohol
Access to a tv with Sky Sports News
A free saturday
friends to play it with.

Below are the rules:-

The ultimate in saturday afternoon drinking games, first established by Attercliffe Parks and Neil 'Birdman' Brookfield in Stalker Lees, with the excellent working title of 'Lets get f***d'. See below for the current rules, however all suggestions for alterations and updates are more than welcome.

--



Current Rules:

- Everytime a goal is scored:- 1 shot of beer

- Every sending off:- 1 shot of Jager (or substitute)

- Half time:- Absolutley no alcoholic beverages may be
imbibed during this period.

- Whenever Chris Kamara is talking:- You must be drinking.

- Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang (i.e."he's hit the beans on toast"!):- 1 shot of Jager

- In the second half, all teams can only be referred to by their nicknames:- Failure to do so results in a 3 beer shot penalty.

- Whenever Swindon Town appear on the vidiprinter: - Last person to shout out 'Mackerel' takes shot of Jager.

- Whenever Dundee appear on the vidiprinter:- Last person to shout out 'Football' takes shot of Jager.

- Everytime Phil Thompson says 'Stevie Gerrard':- 3 shots of beer.

- Everytime Jeff makes an 'A Trialist' joke:- 3 shots of beer.

- Everytime your team score:- 2 extra shots of beer

- Everytime Matty Taylor and 'Goal of the Season' are mentioned in the same sentence:- 1 shot of Jager

- Everytime Jeff calls Kenny Deucher 'The Good Doctor':- 1 shot of Whisky

- Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:- Quad bombs (4 jager+redbull) all round

- Everytime Hartlepool score a goal:- 3 shots of beer

- Everytime a pundit shouts off camera:- 2 shots of beer

- Everytime LeTiss is mentioned in connection with a takeaway: - 1 shot of Jager

- Whenever Chris Kamara says "its unbelievable Jeff", all drinks must be downed

- Everytime Jeff mentions "dancing in the streets of TNS: - 1 shot of jager

- Everytime Jeff says "its Doom and Gloom at..." - 1 shot of jager

- Everytime the team 'Keith' is referred to as just being one guy :- 1 shot of jager

- Everytime Brighton & Hove, or Daggers & Redbridge are jokingly referred to as two different teams playing the same oppo :- 1 shot of jager

- Everytime when Arbroath striker Kevin Webster scores and Stelling says "ohh, Sally will be pleased" :- 1 shot of Jager.

- Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellemy (injury, og, booked, arrested for assault etc.) :- 2 celebratory shots of the spirit of choice.

- Whenever Northampton Town appear on the vidiprinter, last person to shout out 'Cobblers' :- shot of Jager

- Whenever the Carlos Tevez scandal is mentioned, 1 shot of Jager all round

- Whenever the Martin Jol scandal is mentioned in line with with a Tottenham game - 1 shot of vodka

- Whenever Jose Mourinho is mentioned during a Chelsea game 3 shots of lager

- If Jeff starts a rant (such as his "I love Middlesbrough" rant then the last person to shout "We love Jeff" must down a pint of the Atomic Jagerbomb - 6 shots of Jagermeister and Redbull

If you can survive the day of Soccer Saturday playing those rules then you truly are an alcoholic

In total I have 6 guitars but only play 3.

I Don't Play
-----------------

1 - Gretsch TW100 "Travelling Wilbury's" model. One of only 100 made apparently, signed by all the (then) surviving members of the Wilbury's. Only signature that wasn't on it was Roy Orbison's but it did have George Harrison's, who is now deceased so its shot up in price a fair whack. Just wait til Bob Dylan goes, there's another price hike.

2 - Gibson Les Paul, Cherryburst. Don't play this one either. Cost me a small fortune 6 years ago. However now my dad refuses to let me have it back and he lives in the Scottish Higlands now so I have no way of reposessing it...Just wait til me old man pops his clogs, i'm stealing it back!

3 - Gibson ES335 that me and my dad went halves on but once again, he gets to keep as he can't play the guitar and i'd be too tempted to get my grubby mits on it at every given opportunity!

I Do Play
------------

1 - Epiphone Les Paul, lovely guitar, my latest purchase

2 - Westfield 'Les Paul' Goldtop. My very first guitar I actually played. Its not bad, didn't cost much and did the trick. Wouldn't be too shabby if I could be bothered to put some better pickups in it.

3 - Bell & Head Extreme Headless Guitar. I purely bought this for the purposes of 80's throwback fun! I'll try find a link to a picture. It has no headstock and a floyd rose (which I still haven't been bothered to set up properly and i've had it since March) Lovely looking little thing and weighs next to nothing but not a playable guitar really. Besides, me and floyd rose systems don't go together well, i've snapped ALOT of strings messing around with it!


Next purchase
-----------------

1 - An SG style guitar, mate of mine has a "Vintage" SG that was pretty cheap but sounds lovely, bit neck-heavy though.

2 - Jackson Randy Rhoads signature in White with the Gold Pinstripes

3 - BC Rich of some sort, not even sure if i'd play it because i'd feel like a pretentious prick if I did but for sheer variety in my ever expanding collection it would be nice to have, even just to look at.

Do you know what, the Epi LP's sound is brilliant. Action on it is great too! Bridge pickup is better than the neck though I must admit on this particular model but on another I tried out (The goldtop version) both pickups were really strong. I love it, although I very very nearly bought a Jackson JS30RR which looked pretty spectacular (and sounded it too) for £220 and a Jackson Randy Rhoads Signature model in white with the Gold Pinstripe for £579! Then I also saw an original Gibson SG for £699 (had quite a bit of damage cosmetically) and a Gibson Melody Maker (again with lots of cosmetic damage) for £800 before settling on the Epiphone Les Paul Replica. I would have loved to have had one of the classics but obviously I probably would never have played it.

Eruption...No way on gods green earth will I ever be able to play it, just don't have the co-ordination!

Also pretty much anything that involves two-handed tapping for the above reason.

Yup, finally went and did it.

For a year i've been playing either a Westfield "Les Paul" Goldtop Replica or a Bell & Head Extreme Headless guitar (only bought it for the floyd rose which I intend to bastardise onto another guitar at some point in future) through a Line6 Spider II amp, which i've hated from day one!

This morning i've whipped out £230 on an Epiphone Les Paul, which I love already, it has the black/tan effect rather than the Cherryburst which I was going to go for. Unfortunately I cannot remember the name of this effect but i'll try link a picture in a minute. On top of this I also whipped out a further £130 on an Orange Crush 30R and its absolutely brilliant. My Line6 had more watts but nowhere near the cool tones that an actual Tube amp gives. I was going to get a Marshall amp but I decided to test the Orange out too and I just thought this sounded a bit more, how can I put it, meaty...if you know what I mean...probably not.

Also, tried out the Orange Tiny Terror, JESUS that has some punch behind it for such a tiny thing! Its 15w yet sounds brilliant, and like it should have alot more watts behind it. No wonder its retailing at £240!

Has anyone else had an Orange amp yet? What are your opinions on them, I've kept the receipt as I didn't with the Line6 and couldn't take the sod back so i'm hoping i've made a good purchase with this, today shall be known as the "£360 of Happiness" day, no longer shall it be know as Hallowe'en

Basically it is:

Intro
------
e|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
B|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
G|---9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9|
D|-7---7----7----7----7----7----7----7----6----6----6----6----6----6----6----6---|
A|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
E|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|


e|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
B|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
G|---9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9----9|
D|-7---7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7----7---|
A|-5---5----5----5----5----5----5----5-----------------------------------------------|
E|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|

Chorus
---------
e|----------------------------------------------------------------|
B|----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|----------------------------------------------------------------|
D|-7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--6--6--6--6--6--6--6--6----------|
A|-7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7----------|
E|-5--5--5--5--5--5--5--5--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4----------|


e|----------------------------------------------------------------|
B|----------------------------------------------------------------|
G|----------------------------------------------------------------|
D|-4--4--4--4--4--4--4--4--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7----------|
A|-5--5--5--5--5--5--5--5--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7----------|
E|-2--2--2--2--2--2--2--2--5--5--5--5--5--5--5--5----------|



Hope that helps mate

70

(31 replies, posted in Chordie's Chat Corner)

Personally speaking there are a few I sit and play when i'm on my lonesome.

Muse - Stockholm syndrome:
I just love the main riff in the intro to the song really.

Muse - Feeling good:
Theres like, 5 notes max that get played in this tune and 4 chords but sound good and is easy to sing along too...as long as you can get near Matt Bellamy's vocal pitch!

Breaking Point - One of a Kind:
Basically its just one of those tunes i'd never heard of until I bought an Xbox360 and started fighting people online on SvR07 with Rob Van Dam, since then i've began to like this song a hell of alot...but never on earth enough to play infront of anyone!

Guns N Roses - Don't Cry:
I love the song, only the second song I ever learned to play (the first was Welcome to the Jungle) and I really like te lyrics but I have a tendancy to absolutely muller the song!

Offspring - I want you bad:
Just a really fun song to play, reminds me of being 13 jumping around my bedroom, a bit like the next song....

Papa Roach - Last Resort:
As above, never understood the lyrics, just loved the guitar work on it

and finally, and most ashamedly...

The Darkness - I believe in a thing called love:
I won't even try to justify this... I'm sorry everyone

Ooh, yeah i forgot to say, i also mess around with The A-Team theme tune too on occassion, but not as much as I used to when I first started

Old Doll, your post makes no sense. Try being cocise and straight to the point rather than skirting whatever issue you wish to raise.

On your first Question - Nobody is calling the Kettle Black because you make no bloody sense!

Secondly - Our Queen is not German she is English. This "The Queen Is German" thing is based on the fact her family have German Ancestry. Whoopie Doo! I have Irish ancestry, hell, my Mother is Scottish and my Father is from Rep. Of Ireland but i was born in Middlesbrough in England, therefore I am English.

No doubt your American judging by your response (Sorry to make a sweeping statement like that but considering he spouted that God-Bothering crap i imagine he/she is American, being one of the more religion-based countries) but Americans have Irish, Scottish, English, Welsh, Mexican, American Indian, Polish, Italian, Dutch and an entire plethora of other influences in your ancestry, same as English have French, German, Norwegian, Swedish and Danish ancestry. So to make the statement of "Isn't your Queen German" which like i say, is based VERY loosely on the fact she has German ancestry is just stupid.

Once again, we may not have "2nd amendment" but the government CAN NOT commit any unlawful act upon the people of Great Britain as the Police have more power than even the government. If our Prime Minister we to say tomorrow "Anyone who doesn't own a house will be shot" (Highly unlikely however) then the police would defend the public from this and the military (once again who have more power than the prime minister) would refuse it, which in essence would mean that the Prime Minister would, hypothetically, have to recruit a militia in order to try and follow through his order. However the British public would be able to defend themselves in light of such unlawful practices. Also, again to refer to my earlier post whereby i tried to explain to you that the Prime Minister does not actually hold any sole power as the House Of Commons and all of the representatives of the various parties for the consituents the length and breadth are the ones who actually hold the power as a collective. Individually the Prime Minister can not sign off on anything. Every little piece of government legislation (even what fragrance of air freshener to leave in the toilet) MUST be agreed to by a majority vote in the House Of Commons.

If the PM were to come up with some ridiculous plot to seize power by force there would be a vote of no confidence from within the House of Commons, he would be removed from his chair as Prime Minister and arrested. The Prime Minister's deputy would then stand in and an emergency election would be called and the British Public would then vote which party (and party leader) they want to have the most power in the country.

As a result WE are not subjects and, like i explained and you overlooked, we haven't been "subjects" since the end of the reign of Queen Victoria! The monarch is a figurehead that is only kept as it generates a massive amount of tourism income (Mainly from Americans funnily enough) who we pay from our Tax bills every year a percentage, in return the monarchy gets a ridiculous amount of privileges. The ONLY reason that our Prime Minister is not seen as the "Head of State" like the Queen is, is because we would lose Billions on tourism and we have the history of having a monarch. France always had monarchs but they were useless so got rid of them. Scotland used to have its own monarch but we killed her. You lot over USA have a President which works for you guys, same as we have a Prime Minister, difference is we make extra couple of Billion pound just by letting a few Posh people walk around saying "Ooh i would love some Cabernet Sauvignon" or whatever. Bloody clever marketing strategy i think. Might be useless but they generate a ridiculous amount of interest.

Now, IF we hadn't been so successful when our previous monarchs were in charge (IE - The British Empire) then we would have got rid of them when King James II was in charge and the British Public and Government were going to overthrow the Monarchy. The only reason he was kept in charge was because of the public relations he had forged with other countries which brought goods into the country - food mainly - and the fear that this supply chain would be broken if he were to be overthrown

Now in your country at the moment, your current president (Monkey Boy) is told what to do by zoo keepers feeding him banana's, and our former Prime Minister was Monkey Boy's Monkey Boy, which is just plain embarrassing!!

Actually Jerome. Our Monarchy has not actually had any diplomatic power since the late 1800's/early 1900's. And the government is subject to the population also, hence the Liberal Democrats, conservatives, Labour, Scottish Nationalist Party, British Nationalist Party, Welsh Nationalist Party and god knows how many others (Monster Raving Loony Party for one!).

There are Elections(National) every now and then - unfortunately i don't bother voting at the moment as i am in the military so no matter who i vote for my job remains the same and we get treat the same - and there a i think 4 yearly local elections.

These local elections win each party "seats" in the House Of Commons, whichever holds the majority of the seats, holds the power to say yes or no to any legislation put before them. However, it has been known on occassion for smaller parties to gang together against the majority seat holder. IE - Labour has 48 seats, Liberal Democrats have 16 and Conservatives have 34. If a bill is passed that could maybe win Labour the favour of the british public (especially in times of national election) then sometimes Lib Dem & Conservatives will vote "No" to the legislation put forward to them by Labour so that they out-vote them 50 to 48.

Its all a bit over my head really because they are all as bad as each other

well the thread was meant to be for people to air there Dislikes and vent a bit which is why i started the thread. I think it really should be left open because:
1 - Some people like to vent and people have bad days every day so leaving this specific thread open for people to vent off their frustrations is helpful to the person venting
2 - As SouthPaw said, its priceless entertainment hearing them two bickering over something as stupid as the interpretation of the american constitution. As a Brit its teaching me something about america

Another to add the the list - When you catch you nether regions in the zip of your trousers.

Also got another one, when you catch your testicles - ie, playing football(or soccer for american types) and the ball just grazes the edge of a testicle...it is soooo painful!