The Loophole Garfunkel and Oates
Garfunkel and Oates - The Loophole
**Capo 3rd**
[D]All my life I've been goo[G]d
[D]Do what my mom and dad and God say I sho[A]uld
[D]Go to church and Bible Sch[G]ool
[A]To live by God's rul[D]e
[Bm]So whatever people tell me
[Bm]That The Bible tells [A]me
[D]I will do
[D]Walk the halls at my school with my [G]purity ring
[Bm]Unlike those other girls, I've got m[E]y morals in check
[D]It was easy to do until I g[G]ot a boyfriend
[Bm]And pardon my French, but he's [E]cute as heck
[D]And I made a p[G]act
[D]To keep my hym[G]en intact
[G]And Jesus and I are t[A]ight
[D]Never learned about the b[G]irds and the bees
[Bm]I was taught to keep an aspirin in bet[E]ween my knees
[D]'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is [G]wrong
[Bm]But Jason says that guys can't [E]wait that long
[G]I don't want to lose[D] him
[G]To someone who'll do[D] him
[G]I need to figure something o[A]ut
[D]Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that wo[G]rks really well
So I can [Bm]get him off without go[E]ing to hell
[D]It's my Hail Mary, f[G]ull of grace
In Jesu[Bm]s' name we go to fifth base[E]!
[Bm]Oh thank you for making me h[E]oly
[Bm]And thank you for giving me holes to[E] choose from
[G]And since I'm not a godless w[A]hore
[G]He'll have to come in the back do[A]or
Therefore
Chorus:
[D]Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love [G]Jesus
[Bm]The good Lord would want it t[G]hat way[A]
[D]Get that sweet s[E]ensation a thr[G]obbing ratio[E]nalization
[G]It's just between you and[A] me
[G]'Cause everyone knows it's the s[A]ex that God can't[D] see
[D]It's hard to be as [G]pure as me
[Bm]To resist the urge to lose my [A]vaginal virginity
[D]To wait until my mar[G]riage bed
[Bm]To give my husband my unsullied[A] maiden head
[G]So take your c[D]ock out
[G]Shove it in m[D]y ass
[G]Fuck me until[A] you come
Oops! I [G]mean let's join our s[D]ouls
[G]And unite our bod[D]ies
[G]And fly with the wings of [A]God
[D]Whatever you do, don't touch my clit[G]oris
[Bm]If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ign[A]ore this
( Tab from: http://www.guitartabs.cc/tabs/g/garfunkel_and_oates/the_loophole_crd.html )
[D]And no prophylactics when you put [G]it in
[Bm]'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's [E]a sin
[G]I've emptied my b[D]owels
[G]And laid out the t[D]owels
[G]I'm ready for ro[A]mance
[D]Now I'm praying to the Power tha[G]t's the Highest
[Bm]But of all of my holes, this ones t[A]he driest
[D]And we can't procreate if we[G] anal copulate
[Bm]And God is OK with sodomy, but o[E]nly if you're straight
[G]And I'm staying pure, [D]no matter what
[G]So I'm OK with everythi[A]ng butt
Everything butt
Everything butt
Whoa-oh
Chorus:
[D]Fuck me in the ass 'cause[G] I love Jesus
[Bm]The good Lord would want it t[G]hat [A]way
[D]Get that sweet [E]sensation a ro[G]ck hard r[E]ationalization
[G]It's just between you an[A]d me
[G]'Cause everyone knows it's the [A]sex that God can't [D]see
[Bm]I do whatever The Bible t[E]ells me to
[Bm]Except for the parts that I cho[A]ose to ignore
[Bm]Because they're unrealistic and[A] inconvenient
[Bm]But the rest I live by f[E]or sure
[G]So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shell[A]fish, polyester and divorce
[G]And how it condones slavery and killing gays[A] because those parts don't happen of course
[E]Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and (l[G]ine up for ambiguities as omissions?)
A[A]nd circumvent any real sacrifi[Bm]ce, and still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted
[E]positions
[D]And don't you dare [A]question my convi[Bm]ctions
[E]And don't look closely at the contra[G]dictions
[D]And just focus on the [A]sacrificial crucifix[Bm]ion
[E]And have faith in its complete jurisdi[G]ction
[E]As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And when you're in a debate, just say to “have faith”
Because when you're up against logic it's the only card you've got[A]
[G]So close your eyes
[A]Take a deep breath
And..
Chorus:
[D]Fuck me in the ass 'cau[G]se I love Jesus
[Bm]The good Lord would want it[G] that w[A]ay
[D]Get that sweet[E] sensation an [G]irrational r[E]ationalization
[G]It's just between you a[A]nd me
[G]'Cause everyone kn[A]ows it's the sex that God can[E]'t see
[G]Yeah, my chastity belt ha[A]s locks
[G]So sometimes you ne[A]ed to think outside the b[D]ox
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