Festival of Farts Kevin Bloody Wilson
Festival of Farts Kevin Bloody Wilson
[(C)]I come from an outback town where [(F)]fuckin nothin [(C)]grows
No [(F)]wheat no sheep s[(C)]o we cant even[(G)] host an annual[(G)] show
But [(C)]we got somethin special there that [(F)]sets our town[(C)] apart
[(F)]Coz each year in a[(C)] shed we hold the[(G)] festival of [(C)]farts
T[(C)]heres displays and competitions And[(F)] entries from a[(C)]far
And tho[(F)]se that cant get[(C)] into town jus[(G)]t send in littl[(G)]e jars
And [(C)]old fat sarge the local cop with cl[(F)]ipboard and a[(C)] pen
Unscre[(F)]ws the lid and tak[(C)]es a whiff then s[(G)]cores em 1 to[(C)] 10
He'll give you [(C)]2 points for Aroma
[(F)]2 for the bouq[(C)]uet
[(F)]2 for fermen[(C)]tation
And [(G)]2 more for decay
[(C)]And two for presentation of the fa[(F)]ncy little jar[(C)]s
And a [(F)]medal for the b[(C)]est fart at the f[(G)]estival of [(C)]farts
[(C)]And you should see the mob this year That c[(F)]ramed into the[(C)] shed
He[(F)]ar the big guns [(C)]blazing In the [(G)]farting talent [(G)]QUest
[(C)]With old sarge on a megaphone as he [(F)]reads the riot[(C)] act
'' Now se[(F)]ttle down you b[(C)]astards, can you [(G)]hear me at the[(C)] back
[(C)]Now we'll give em all a go alright, and[(F)] butt them cig[(C)]arettes
And [(F)]any of you cunts [(C)]play up tonight, i'll [(G)]bust ur fuckin [(G)]head''
And[(C)] he unfolds his directors chair And squ[(F)]ats on his fat[(C)] arse
To a[(F)]djudicate the e[(C)]ntries in the [(G)]festival of [(C)]farts
He'll give you [(C)]2 points for Aroma
[(F)]2 for the bouq[(C)]uet
[(F)]2 for fermen[(C)]tation
And [(G)]2 more for decay
And [(C)]two for presentation, s[(F)]tyle and grace and [(C)]class
And a[(F)] medal for the [(C)]best fart at the [(G)]festival of [(C)]farts
Then[(C)] the crowd roars its approval As the [(F)]first bloke lets on[(C)]e go
Fuckin th[(F)]under from down u[(C)]nder To [(G)]open up the sh[(G)]ow
Then[(C)] a double burblin gurgler With a [(F)]chilli after[(C)]burn
Then [(F)]a downdraft knacker c[(C)]langer Shit that [(G)]must have fuckin [(C)]hurt
And the s[(C)]ilence single singer That t[(F)]ook us by su[(C)]rprise
And a n[(F)]otchous nostril b[(C)]urner That br[(G)]ung tears to our [(G)]eyes
And [(C)]old sarge the cranky bastard Sat there ad[(F)]ding up the [(C)]marks
As po[(F)]pular as [(C)]embroids at the f[(G)]estival of [(C)]farts
coz he'll get [(C)]2 points for Aroma
[(F)]2 for the bouq[(C)]uet
[(F)]2 for fermen[(C)]tation
And [(G)]2 more for decay
And [(C)]two for presentation, s[(F)]tyle and grace and [(C)]class
And a m[(F)]edal for the b[(C)]est fart at the f[(G)]estival of [(C)]farts
But the h[(C)]ighlight of the show this year Was tw[(F)]o kids with a go[(C)]at
That they'd [(F)]fed on rocks and [(C)]rotten eggs And [(G)]dragged in on a r[(G)]ope
And as on[(C)]e young fella grabbed his horns to l[(F)]ine old billy [(C)]up
His mat[(F)]e just warned the ground the go[(C)]ats arse and feck[(G)] kicked him in the
[(C)]guts
And that [(C]old goat fired a fuckin beauty Like a [(F]shotgun goin o[(C)]ff
And fired a[(F)] lethal load of g[(C)]ravel shrapnel Scared [(G)]shit out of the m[(G)]ob
And as th[(C)]ey all dived for cover and h[(F)]it the deck in f[(C)]ear
Old sar[(F)]ge just kept on [(C)]markin buck shot [(G)]whizzin past his [(C)]ears
He'd give em [(C)]2 points for Aroma
[(F)]2 for the bouq[(C)]uet
[(F)]2 for fermen[(C)]tation
And [(G)]2 more for decay
And all i[(C)]n all that bloated goat had [(F)]probably scored [(C)]a ten
Except his f[(F)]artin shit and sh[(C)]ot old fuckin s[(G)]arge arse over he[(G)]ad
Then with[(C)] all of the confusion And no[(F)] cunt keepin sco[(C)]re
And [(F)]old sarge fuckin [(C)]screamin They just [(G)]pissed off out th[(G)]e door
And even w[(C)]hen the dust had settled [(F)]No-one seemed to[(C)] care
that they'd [(F)]fucked off with the [(C)]medal Coz they'd [(G)]won it fair and s[(C)]quare
That goat got[(C)] 2 points for Aroma
[(F)]2 for the bouq[(C)]uet
[(F)]2 for fermen[(C)]tation
And [(G)]2 more for decay
And [(C)]three big cheers from all of us For [(F)]pay back on old [(C)]sarge
and a[(F)] medal for the[(C)] best fart at the[(G)] festival of [(C)]farts
That goat got[(C)] 2 points for Aroma
[(F)]2 for the bouq[(C)]uet
[(F)]2 for fermen[(C)]tation
And [(G)]2 more for decay
And [(C)]three big cheers from all of us For [(F)]wingin poor old [(C)]sarge
and a [(F)]medal for the [(C)]best fart at the [(G)]festival of f[(C)]arts
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