A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying Bloodhound Gang
Verse 1:
[D]I was lonelier than Kunta [A]Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night [D]I strolled on into
Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
[G]It had been a While. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had [D]come and went since that
midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
[G]I had picked up this Hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of
Daisy [D]Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that [A]night I lost myself To ruby red lips, milky white skin and[D] baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.
Chorus:
Yes a [D]lap dance is so much b[A]etter when the stripper is cryin'[D]
Yes a [G]lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'[D]
Well I [G]find it's quite a thrill
When she [D]grinds me against her will
Yes a [A]lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'[D]
Verse 2:
[D]Well, faster than you can [A]say, "shallow grave", this pretty little [D]thing come up to me and starts
kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
[G] Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
[D] 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled,
[G] Had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would
[D] wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance.
[A] And Then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation.
[D] 'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Chorus
Verse 3:
[D]So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can [A]make all my fantasies come true.[D] So I says,
"Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jack[G]hammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a
lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resem[D]bling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on
Santa Claus's tummy-tum?
"Well,[G] ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm
parkin' the beef bus in tuna town i[D]f you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh[A]. That rhymes. I have to admit
it was even more of a [D]turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby Formula.
Chorus
Verse 4:
[D]Day or so had passed when I [A]popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on [D]into The
Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I [G]was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw
Bambi starin' at me from the [D]back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped.
[G]So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can [D]not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the
One-eyed [A]gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing chil[D]dren could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Chorus
Outro:
D A D A D A D A (till fade)
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